Moon

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." - Buddha

Have you ever spent much time thinking about the sun? The sun in itself is pretty remarkable. Amazing. Without the sun, life wouldn’t exist as we know it. When was the last time you looked at the sun? When was the last time you looked at it without any special filter between your retina and its rays? Maybe on a cloudy day, if you squint just right you can get a glimpse; but still its hard to look directly at it. But that’s okay. Its okay because the sun is full of energy, as a source for life it serves its purpose. Its giving… constantly.

The sun does have a counterpart. Just like every match made in heaven; the sun has its perfect mate: the moon. The moon isn’t quite like the sun. It doesn’t radiate with energy but gives back in an entirely different way. In relation to how often you look towards the sun, with what frequency do you gaze at the moon? The moon demands our attention through mere existence. It captures us in its mysterious shapes and sizes. We have traveled to it and walked on its surface. It gives us opportunity to react with it in an entirely different way. But how? It does this by reflecting the Sun’s energy. The moon, in a sense, acts as a mirror; reflecting back the rays of light in a manner which we can enjoy an otherwise distant object. The combination of the two allow us to experience so many different things, yet by themselves seem less exciting.

So when I think of who I am and how I’d like to be… I choose to be like the moon. I want to reflect and give back to those around me. I want to give in a way that can be interactive and exciting. Not to be a wall others bounce off, but to absorb their energy and give it back; sometimes reflecting in ways that bring new perspectives and possibilities. I can be the life of the party and brighten a room, but I don’t do it by outshining others; I do it by engaging others and vesting in them. Understanding, listening, and allowing them to be captivated through reciprocation. The moon is an object that does all its work by simply being available. That availability creates an excitement in its own right, and allows for others to continue to gaze up to the sky with anticipation. We look forward to it, track it, and invite it into our lives. Why wouldn’t I choose to be like that?!

about a girl

There is a story about a boy and girl. Like most great stories involving two people, this one began at a very young age. There isn’t a time where the two recall a first meeting, nor a twenty-second for that matter. They only know that as long as they can remember, the other one has existed somehow, someway. Born only months apart, they grew together through short weekend interactions a few times a year. Their parents whom are friends and colleagues carry the responsibility for the introduction. And ever since, their lives have been intertwined, interconnected and tangled with reintroductions, and memories that always began with a “hello” and ended with a “see you soon”.

The best part of a sandwich is what you put between two slices of bread. In this case its the time after hello and prior to goodbye. One time in Deadwood, hours were spent running through the halls, playing hide and go seek, ducking in stairwells, throwing ice back and forth. Another occasion, in Spearfish, our time was divided between the swimming pool and pinball machines. In one hotel we discovered that an elevator could double as a trampoline. But almost everywhere we went, there was always a pool and always a late night that followed.

Each and every weekend getaway involved several similar activities. Playing hide-and-go-seek, random ice fights, jumping up and down in elevators, plenty of pool-time, and late night slumber parties became the staple in nearly every interaction. As they grew older, the venue became different, but the interactions were filled with activity and unforgettable experience...
And although decades have passed, one thing still remains the same, this boy and this girl, both continue to find there paths crossing and that connection seeded in the past still remains unshakeable today.

This story about a girl... is continually being written. There are still doors that must be opened, memories yet to be made.

I Dare You.

My mind is elsewhere tonight. its somewhere away from where it needs to be. The thing is, I like where it is. I just can't seem to focus long enough to do the things that require my attention. As Dodger sits on my shoulder, I sit here in a place of excitement, curiosity, and anticipation.

I have two roads in front of me. One I've been looking at for a long time. The other is one that is more familiar, safer, well traveled. Shall I continue down the pavement of expectations or do I dare to make this dream a reality. I like dares, dares challenge us, make us uncomfortable, and force us to grow. A dare can create opportunities never before imagined. A dare, or in some cases the dreaded double dare, has the nerve to scare us. To keep us from acting... but the whole premise is to force us to act; to make the uncommon choice that could take us to a most unfamiliar place. Rarely do I regret taking a dare. I cannot remember a time where I a came out of one worse off...

Which leads me to the road less traveled. This road holds curiosities and challenges of its own. This road is looking me in the eye saying: "I Dare you..."

I accept.

Roots

Roots:

~family, ethnic, or cultural origins, especially the reasons for one’s long standing emotional attachment to a place or community.

~the essential substance or nature of something

~a part of a thing attaching it to a greater or more fundamental whole; the end or base

~The part of a plant that attaches it to ground or to a support, typically underground, conveying water and nourishment to the plant via nourishment and fibers

I had a conversation with an old friend last night. A good friend. The type of friend that despite miles and years of being apart, nothing has changed. Well, plenty has changed - so much has changed. But in reconnecting, in talking and sharing all that has happened, its like no time has passed. It seems one of the few ways we can disregard our calendar... and that clock we manage each of our days by.

Their are few individuals out there that despite the choices we make and the places the road may take us. All of that distance can be overcome with a simple hello, a warm smile, or just the memory of a time that seemed so simple. Those individuals are rooted deep within our being. Not part of our identity, but so deeply involved with who we have become that no matter where we are, they seem a stones throw away - willing to take part in the most important part of our lives.

I suppose I could be putting way too much into the idea of... or the importance of those who have been with us as we’ve grown, seen our successes and our mistakes and continue to celebrate our small victories. Like the definitions above, our roots are our origins, attach us to our base, a community which provides nourishment and support. There is something to be said about who you grew up with in those places in which you grew up... a sense of belonging, a common denominator or unsaid understanding of each other. There is comfort in that. Thats why reunions can be so exciting - sharing where you’ve been with those from which you came.

This is a thank you. This is a shout out. I’m giving virtual props to those who have grown with me. Wherever you may be, whatever you may be experiencing... even though I may not be within arms reach, I’m not far.

And this also goes out to the individual who sparked this blog... a long distance dedication, and a thank you. You know who you are. You are special and loved by many. I may be miles and miles away... but as we know, that span can be covered in as little as ten digits.

Cars and Kisses

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." ~Albert Einstein

Interesting combination don’t you think?

Yesterday, I went to the auto show. It was me, my bro, and our father. I was definitely amused. Not so much by the cars, but more so by everyone there - I’m a total people watcher.

I can appreciate fine machinery just like the next guy (or girl). But as I’m walking around, watching individuals dream and drool, I was caught asking myself if I should be participating. I just wasn’t feeling it. My brother and I did compare vehicles and I even sat in a few. While sitting in the cockpit of vehicle most would love to drive I asked myself if I could really see myself driving it - or really more tried to ask the question of what my car failed to provide that this particular car delivered. I’m sure there are many gear heads out there that would gladly create a list a mile long - but I guess I just need to find a vehicle that really gets my attention. I like my car, its not all that new, I mean its getting up there in age, but I’m perfectly happy with the vehicle I’m driving. Maybe someday I’ll need to replace my current vehicle, but apparently I wasn’t feeling it at the auto show... a place where everyone else was planning and picturing driving their car or truck of their dreams. I guess I’m just a bit caught off guard that I was so disconnected from the experience. But why? I think its because I realize that a new car isn't something I need. And the fun of pretending that I could or would soon be driving one - wasn't at all enticing to me.



On a different (and I think more exciting) note, Miaken and I were talking tonight. We were trying to define the term: “making out”. It came up because we were watching What Women Want, and as the two main characters dove into each other in a restaurant, Miaken asked me if I could do that; if I could make out in the middle of a public restaurant...

We then preceded to define what constitutes making out. Is it a time period? does it require a certain kind of feeling or passion? Is it constant kissing or can it be intermittent kissing for a long period of time? Does it usher in other activity?

Miaken seemed to think it should be constituted by time: at least thirty seconds to be specific. Jake felt that it should be determined by a level of passion... I just sat in amusement, didn’t really put my two sense in. I just really enjoyed being a third party in the convo.

Wikipedia states that it includes “heavy petting and skin to skin contact”. It even references games associated like: seven minutes in heaven, and spin the bottle. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I never made out with anyone when playing spin the bottle, nor did I ever get thrown into the a dark closet with a stranger... Maybe I missed out as a teen...
or maybe I should add those events to my next party!

A lincoln for my thoughts perhaps? I guess I’m going to revert to my favorite number on this one: Three. Three minutes constitutes a proper make out session. Anything that may follow is considered bonus... or leads to something I wouldn’t classify as “making out” :)

Any thoughts on the matter?

Welcome Back

I like George. Its true. I like George. I don't know why specifically. Maybe its because he reminds me of a friend, or maybe it's because he's relatable. Maybe I like George because he doesn't hide, is honest, and vulnerable. Then again, maybe it's because he's a character in one of the coolest TV shows ever. But for whatever the reason... George is my guy.

As most of you know, Grey's is back. For the last five months, its been on vacation. That amount of time allows for separation. It's just enough time where you still think about it, but also long enough to forget how good it is. Somehow, you get the impression that your life, in whatever capacity it held, is okay... and in some ways better without it. But then the writer's come back to work, and the show is again on the air, and all those feelings come rushing back.

I know what you're thinking... you're like: is this guy for real? Does he realize he's talking about a TV show? Does he realize it's not real? Yes... yes... and yes. I draw the picture only to illustrate the value other people have in our lives. Whether an old friend, a lost love, a family member who's been away... I think we experience those same emotions when it comes to our own lives.

What is unique about TV is that we interact with these characters. We involve them in our daily conversations. We make time for them, we add them to our schedule, we throw parties in their honor. We have reason's to build our real life relationships because of our fictional bond with our favorite television show or character.

But for the moment, humor me... because this is what my horoscope said today :)

Someone sweet from your past might pop back into your life again soon, either in person or over the internet. Greet them with open arms or an enthusiastic reply. They were very important to you once, and they could be again. The two of you have a lot to catch up on, and their news might shock you in the most delightful way. You might have thought you had no more room in your life for more friends -- but this person isn't new, so integrate them back into things!

91 and Counting

Okay, my disclaimer first for all those out there reading. I'm not looking, not interested, and not found wanting... but this is entertaining.

In the last few days dating back to Thursday, my Yahoo personal page has got I-kid-U-not: 91 hits. I've had my yahoo personal page for probably two years. I'm a casual user who doesn't do much with it. In fact, I haven't tried to use it as a way to meet someone in about 6-7 months. Its become something of a curiosity. I log in to see who's checking me out. And in the span of two years, I think I've had a total of maybe ninety people check out my profile. and no more than seven in a given week. I think seven is good. Until now...

Well the stars must be in line, or something crazy because since thursday (I have to say it again) 91 clicks to my page and somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 messages in my inbox...

Now don't let the numbers confuse you. The odds are definitely good... but the goods are a bit odd.

so far some of the latest headlines are:

minnesota nice

- someone forgot to tell her MN nice, really isn't that nice!

looking for a guy like U

- U don't know me yet.

looking for someone special

cool... but seen this one like a dozen times.

(reads a book in waiting room) 'sigh'

- what book is so exciting that a: you sigh, and b: you put it in your headline... definitely not warranting any attention.

looking for love in all the wrong places

- is that something you want to advertise?

beautiful girl waiting for commitment

- thats like showing up for a blind date with a promise ring.

this is the best one today:

willing to lie about how we met

--like it, because I understand how meeting someone online may be taboo... but really?!? :)

Okay, so mine (no parachutes or safety nets here) isn't the best. But I stayed away from the: Hi-nice-guy-looking-for-my-number-one-special-are-you-out-there-one-more-click-type-of-girl. I mean really. If you want to meet, either get a glamour shot, b/c most of them need one, or find something that peaks interest. Most don't... go figure. I think I'm going to change my next tagline to: "if you don't want my worst, you don't deserve my best" May not be the best one but its definitely better than:

Last item on the clearance rack?

Lost Lyrics

There's a song out there somewhere. Its gotta be, but tonight its escaping me. you know when you experience something that immediately puts you in a place of celebration, you jump in the car and there is this desire to find a song that fits the moment. Well, tonight I had one of those experiences, and tonight I could not find the song. I wouldn't go as far as to say it was extraordinary, other than the fact that it was out-of-the-ordinary, it was something special.

In other exciting news, I'm back online and back from Sturgis. Both seem equally exciting on my part--so funny how we rely so much on the internet. Someday maybe I won't, but lately it feels as if I've been trudging through barren desert, seeking out my own personal oasis. And today, I've found it! And today I'm sharing! I miss you all.

Back in the Saddle

Its been awhile, to say the least. My last entry well over two months ago. Its not that I haven't thought about blogging -- thats the thing: I've just thought about it, with no attempt to follow through to put anything down on paper. So I figure... Why not tonight?!?

I sit here as my roommate watches Borat. And as I sit here with no desire to participate, I feel a need to share. So much has happened in the past several weeks. For starters, I now have a motorcycle...

Our place, is still in foreclosure. Which means I have to either try and purchase this house... or move out by November. Neither really interest me too much. Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of say in the matter. I've lost some of my rights as a tenant due to this somewhat interesting and drawn out affair. Grrrr to the man who doesn't pay his bills.

I have officially been accepted into the my master's program. I am one of fifteen individuals accepted and will be attending Northwestern College here in MN... working on my masters in Organizational Leadership. A shout out to all who have aided in my application process.

I'm suddenly finding myself drawn into this movie... asking myself: Why are there two naked men fighting? ...

Haunted

yes, its true. I feel haunted. Not by ghosts or ghouls or some other super-natural being. But there seems to be a preoccupation; a continual reminder of part of my past. It is in no way in an obsessive nature, but in areas of my day to day activity, I am continually reminded of a time, of someone, of something. These reminders continually pull me back to a place I must apparently long for.

Does this happen? I mean does it happen to you?

It seems to be happening to me; where a song, a place, the weather... all take me to a place I revere. I share this question in awe of how my day continually pulls on these strings... continually challenges me and keeps me in some way thinking about the day before yesterday. Not that I'm not wanting to move on, to walk forward... I am. I am continually pressing forward... but then again... the haunting continues!

basically... I'm due.

so here I go again... trying to place random words together in a way that makes sense. All the while trying to make sense of this world filled with opportunity, serendipity, and confusion!
I've been busy, too busy... so busy that the last two weeks feels like a blur. I get days confused, activities accomplished mixed up, and those I interact with daily look at me with awe... awe in the sense that its not good... awe in the sense that they think I'm crazy!! Basically, I'm trying to make ends meet... I just don't know where they begin and where they end. I'm attacking each day with an end goal, a light at the end of the tunnel... I have ideas where I want that to be, but I'm truly unsure of the path I will end up on, or if the things I'm doing will take me there.

Which brings me back to the moment. This moment. A time where all the little things seem to add up to one big one and I can only hope...

So as I stand here wanting, waiting, anxious and driven... I still feel the need to focus and to
re-commit daily to the things I desire.

My buddy asked me yesterday what I was quitting for Lent. I told him that I hadn't really thought about it. I knew it was Ash Wednesday had passed, and I knew it was lent.. but for some reason, I spaced the purpose. And in recent years, I've decided not to take away from my life, but to celebrate Lent by adding to it. Although I understand the idea of fasting... and I do, and will... I've decided that its just as important to add value by adding something productive, something purposeful to the time. When we take something away, there is a tendency to replace it with something else (example: when people quit smoking, they start eating..)... so why not add purpose?
So... for Lent this year... I've decided two things. And based upon my lifestyle at the moment, these will be very difficult, but rewarding. They may seem at first glance superficial, but I tell you... it will require some divine intervention to maintain! I will be fasting from all fast food, and I will ensure that I exercise daily, regardless of how tired, busy, or lack of time exists in my day. I will reward and treat my body as I should. keeping out the bad and rewarding it with good.

Any thoughts?

How about ya'll? Anything you'll be doing different during Lent this year?

Repetition

Repetition is the mother of skill. Through practice we develop certain skills that help foster talent. But the great thing about the development process, is that we are allowed to make mistakes, learn from them, and move forward with new opportunities. Opportunities that will lead to greatness...

Lately I've had to field some question on the history of my relationships. The most interesting part of this is that under quote-on-quote "normal" circumstances, these things don't necessarily come up. The question of the previous-said slash previous-feeling is somewhat new to me. And honestly I bring it on myself. Although I feel I come by it honestly, I get it. I do, I get it. How can I be sincere, how is it that certain feelings can appear repetitious? How can the excitement of something new come across in a manner that appears to be so much more?

I'll just pose one question to you before I go on. Have you ever in your experiences felt you were in love, and then in retrospect realized that it was masked by some other emotion or feeling? Or perhaps you thought you were traveling down one road only to realize you were on a completely different one, in a completely different place?

Personally, I haven't ever used the term without being in complete congruence of the definition. Even after looking back, I can honestly say that when I decided to love, it was true, it was honest. BUT, I have looked back at some relationships that I thought were headed in that direction and realized I had been fooled. I had been crawling through some desert long enough that the mirage looked real. Dramatic I know... but I think once we experience something great, we can't wait to find it again.

So... back to the issue :) I walk into anything new with fresh eyes. No lingering pain, no hesitation, no fear of getting hurt. I approach every relationship with one primary vision, and that is to view this person as a sister in Christ. And to provide the opportunity to develop into what God has planned for me. In the past, I have confused this desire for something great with the process of learning about someone. And although I hate to admit, I have made mistakes. I will always choose to fail over not trying. Can you fault me for that?

I'm starting to ramble... the point is this: I learn from my mistakes. Yes, I've said and felt things that have passed. Some faster than others. But what I am now realizing is how lack-luster those things were. Not to take any of it away from the relationship, but there is a reason those are history... and will stay that way. I've found that through self reflection and devotion, that none of this will compare to the woman God has prepared for me. What is important is that He has prepared my heart for someone special. He has done this primarily through the mistakes that I have made. I cannot regret, for it has brought me to something wonderful, something beautiful. It has brought be to today. But if I do not learn from those experiences, my wheels sit spinning.

My desire is to move forward. To grow, to be challenged, to create, to love and to be loved. I desire greatness. Greatness for myself and the person God will provide for me. Through the repetition of my failures, I have found what I have always desired. And through those mistakes God has helped shape me. He has shown me resilience and patience, and creativity in otherwise mundane circumstances. I truly believe that the 'mistakes' that I have been granted have prepared me for someone special, someone I hope to spend my life with, someone I desire to create in her all the things she provides for me...

Wolf

Apparently, I'm a wolf. Ya'll think it fits?

The rugged wolf is athletic, good-looking and brims with self-confidence. A close relative of the domestic dog, it is stronger and more aggressive, managing to generate notoriety wherever it marks its territory. The wolf's dark reputation is mainly due to jealousy of its consistent success in work and romance. A wolf in full stride is quite impressive. Firing orders at subordinates while on the phone to customers -- no one can get the job done quite as efficiently as the wolf.

With an innate understanding of the value of teamwork, it's always ready to take its place in the chain of command -- either as leader or as simply a member of the pack. When a wolf decides to innovate, it makes sure that it has the backing of a capable team. In many ways, President Bush is an example of a wolf who owes much of his success to his team of lawyers, advisors, and supporters. This wolf is clear-headed and strong-minded -- always willing to compromise in the interests of getting a job done.

The wolf insists on fidelity from its mate, but even after its partner has sworn its devotion, the wolf must battle its canine hormones that drive it to distraction. On the positive side of the ledger, the wolf makes a gallant effort to remain faithful; satisfying its haunting need for romance through its strong platonic friendships. (At least that's what we're told) Deep down though, the wolf is still a puppy dog and its controlled exterior often masks a sentimental emotional core.

Wolves are facially expressive and readily communicate their emotional states with body language. They work hard at developing their social relationships, although, unlike their cousin the dog, they are quick to anger when they sense threats to the social order. When confrontations occurs, they sometimes react suddenly and violently, barking displeasure at offending subordinates. Close companions know to avoid their biting tongue until they resume their normal gregarious behavior.

Friendly and generous with those they consider to be peers, they have a tendency to show scant regard to those beneath them on the food chain. Sheep, deer, cottontails, prairie dogs and other small mammals are thus advised to show them appropriate respect, or risk being overwhelmed by their aggressive natures.

The wolf pulls no punches when communicating with its peers, for there is nothing that a wolf detests more than a yes-man. The truth must be told and damn the consequences. Those unable to handle its steely straightforward style are quickly relegated to the rear of the pack, while those who demonstrate courage are allowed to run alongside. Lions, eagles, wild dogs, tigers and bears are among the wolf's first choices as teammates in the race of life.

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