Stillness

I sit here. I'm forcing myself to sit here, to think, to reflect, to try and have it make sense. I don't want to. What I want to do is something else, anything else. I want something to do or I want nothing. Its odd, how when you're required to face something you didn't think was going to happen -- you have two desires. How opposite those things are, one is to fill your day with so much that you don't think about it, the other, to sit and do absolutely nothing. Create emptiness, because for some reason it's the only thing that makes sense. I'm choosing to do what's uncomfortable. I sit here in reflection, understanding that its just a bend in the road, that the song isn't over. I'm hoping that this pause will only last a moment -- because in the moment I'm currently living in, it already feels too long.

"...sigh..."

Time, I shake my fist at you because you've seem to have gotten the better of me. I beat you once, I forced your hand... and you stopped. That day was mine. This day belongs to you. I submit to you with grace. With that I accept your challenge. I will wait for the right moment... perhaps after the strike of midnight, I will find a glass slipper, but tonight... tonight is not that night.

Tonight, however, is that bend in the road which becomes a corner I must take. It will be a turn in the right direction. That direction is up. You don't find 'up" on a compass, its not north, but directly up... heavenly up. Its amusing that we must find the foundation of which we stand above us. But He is my rock, my... everything. I know in my heart, He holds the interests of the ones I Care so much about, as well as my own... above all earthly things. He has a way of taking the worldly desire out of focus... and bringing the lens back to Him. Tonight he does this with the emphasis on improvement, the emphasis on taking a step towards Him. I do this without hesitation.

Tomorrow I will begin to wait. In honor, in respect, in reverence, and in love. I will wait because He has provided a trailer for the real thing. I've been given a preview of what may come. So I wait, oddly enough with a sense of urgency. I wait because it is His will... and waiting is an opportunity grow, to prepare, and to love.

I will be still.