Baby, Its Cold Outside!!

There is something about writing that becomes therapeutic. Letting words flow from thought onto paper...it seems to create some validation of thought and presence. It's self reflection, it's an opportunity to share and an opportunity to celebrate, to create...

But for me, right now, its provides an opportunity to procrastinate. to delay the inevitable. Its giving me a few more moments inside. A few more taps of the keyboard will allow me to stay warm a few minutes longer. You see, while all you smart individuals out there get to stay inside and drink hot chocolate, watch a movie, or anything that might help you escape from the weather this weekend. I get to be in it. I get to stand outside and hope that somebody, anybody, decides that going out tonight is a good idea. Its a hope because, what the heck am I freezing my butt off for if its not for those who laugh at the weather-man, for those who scoff at the storm and say... not tonight mother nature, not tonight! Because if it isn't for those who decide to venture into this blizzard, my night will continue to drag on, every minute feeling like an hour, and every hour... well, you get where I'm going!

The time has come... Procrastination and putting off is now coming to a close. Work is calling out my name... so for all of you who will not be outside this evening---I'm green with envy. Know I will be thinking of you much and often, and by all means, eat a slice of pizza for me!

basically... I'm due.

so here I go again... trying to place random words together in a way that makes sense. All the while trying to make sense of this world filled with opportunity, serendipity, and confusion!
I've been busy, too busy... so busy that the last two weeks feels like a blur. I get days confused, activities accomplished mixed up, and those I interact with daily look at me with awe... awe in the sense that its not good... awe in the sense that they think I'm crazy!! Basically, I'm trying to make ends meet... I just don't know where they begin and where they end. I'm attacking each day with an end goal, a light at the end of the tunnel... I have ideas where I want that to be, but I'm truly unsure of the path I will end up on, or if the things I'm doing will take me there.

Which brings me back to the moment. This moment. A time where all the little things seem to add up to one big one and I can only hope...

So as I stand here wanting, waiting, anxious and driven... I still feel the need to focus and to
re-commit daily to the things I desire.

My buddy asked me yesterday what I was quitting for Lent. I told him that I hadn't really thought about it. I knew it was Ash Wednesday had passed, and I knew it was lent.. but for some reason, I spaced the purpose. And in recent years, I've decided not to take away from my life, but to celebrate Lent by adding to it. Although I understand the idea of fasting... and I do, and will... I've decided that its just as important to add value by adding something productive, something purposeful to the time. When we take something away, there is a tendency to replace it with something else (example: when people quit smoking, they start eating..)... so why not add purpose?
So... for Lent this year... I've decided two things. And based upon my lifestyle at the moment, these will be very difficult, but rewarding. They may seem at first glance superficial, but I tell you... it will require some divine intervention to maintain! I will be fasting from all fast food, and I will ensure that I exercise daily, regardless of how tired, busy, or lack of time exists in my day. I will reward and treat my body as I should. keeping out the bad and rewarding it with good.

Any thoughts?

How about ya'll? Anything you'll be doing different during Lent this year?

next best thing

I feel broken... I feel empty.... There is a longing in my soul that yearns to be fed. In my heart I know where to find the source that will satisfy, but its almost as I'm resisting--afraid of what might be. Afraid of where the road will lead. Its as if by hiding I create in my subconscious further opportunity for the earthly desires I look for. And by constructing these walls around my heart, around my head, I'm keeping myself from the growth I long for deep within myself. The growth that can only happen through complete submittal. I know this, and I'm trying to let go, to move on, to find fulfillment. But it seems that I've been granted a preview of what is to come. A taste, an idea, an opportunity to see what God has planned for me. And instead of allowing myself to prepare for His vision, I hold on---hoping that the best hasn't passed me by.

The thing is I'm not upset or angry or confused or bitter. I just am. I'm just present, patiently practicing patience, trying to stay open and prepared. but for me, right now in this moment, the next moment can't get here soon enough.

If

If I would have created the word procrastinate, its definition would mirror the activities of my day today.

And as motivated as I claim to be, the days that I am not continue to surprise me.
Tomorrow must be better...

snap, crackle, pop

This weekend is big. really big. My father has been officially inaugurated as president, and many festivities have and will follow. One of which followed the ceremony was a reception and ball. It has been wonderful so far. I've seen a lot of friends and family, met many people and overall have had a wonderful time... until I broke her fingers.

Yes, I broke some student's finger or fingers. It could be a simple dislocation, however... from what I saw, felt and heard. I'm pretty sure they're broken. You're probably wondering how...let me paint a picture: we were dancing. yes we were cuttin-some-rug, but to be honest, I'd danced with her earlier in the evening, and our rhythm's didn't quite match up. Not to say she didn't have any, or couldn't dance, but it required a little more effort to blend with how she moved.

She had tracked me down to dance, it was later in the evening, so much drinking had taken place. I remember earlier, while dancing, that she was prone to slip and fall. I don't know if it was her shoes, her, or some other element. But I was taking that into consideration while dancing with her... That being said, as I turned her, I felt her fall and I tightened up to keep her from hitting the ground. Well, apparently she did the same thing... next thing I felt and heard was a pop-pop-pop. Her hand in mine, her fingers snapped and crackled... I dropped to the floor, she began to try and reset her fingers when I stopped her and helped her off the dance floor. She refused to go the ER, and decided to tough it out until she could go to the school the next day and get x-rayed. A splint was put on, a few shots were taken, and my ego was bruised. What are the chances?

Thirteen going on...

Today, I found myself killing time and being drawn into a movie on tv. 13 going on 30 to be more specific. And right on the heals of not only taking a trip down memory lane, looking at old pictures from high school age activities and filling out some survey about whether or not I would go back to those days. I wouldn't want to, at least I don't think I would really want to. Why would I want to change who I am today? But watching that stirred some thought, and some emotion. Not because I wish I could change things about the past, but think about how simple things can be versus how complex we make them. We push and we pull, we deceive, we try to create opportunity by playing games with those we care about. Not all things we do are negative, but almost always, it seems we're not completely honest. We're not honest with ourselves, we seem to fear the thing we desire most. This, of course is all, speculation...

I think the thing we long most for is a connection. With a particular person or group or idea. We long to dive deep into a relationships knowing that sharing an experience makes that experience worth while and meaningful. i mean, if we're not here for community, what is our purpose?