grrrr....

Today, was a good day. Every day is really, but somedays seem to leapfrog others, and today was one of those days! It could have been the warmer weather, it could have been lunch, or just the fact that I played a bit of basketball (and watched more)... but then again, it could have been all of it.

But now, now more than ever I need to focus. I need to realize how little time I have to get my research done. But all I want to do is focus on working towards my nonprofit, not studying others. Which, to be honest, cannot be the pecking order. I only have three weeks to compile research and present it... from getting others to take the survey to interviewing to... who knows. Less than three week by now, but I need to bump it up on the priority list. I'm too close to not get it done!

So, if you're reading this... please send me the focus vibe. Send me multiple vibes... anything to keep this ball moving. Anything to finish my masters program on a strong note. And in three weeks, when class is over, we can all have a drink and party 'till the cows come home!

Last Night

I'm lying here with Dodger, knowing I need to write, but feeling like I'd rather put my words elsewhere. I haven't blogged much lately, probably due to the fact that I've been writing a lot for Grad School, and even though there is a ten page paper waiting for me to complete before turning it in tonight, I find myself plunking away here. Oh, the things we do to avoid the inevitable! Things have been whirl-wind like lately, between work and the holidays, and trying to stay on top of all things marked with a priority sticker, I feel as if I need to re-establish, reconnect and review all those things that keep me in my daily grind. you know? Ever feel that way?

Last night was a weird night at work. a lot of things happened that, well, normally don't or shouldn't happen. But from time to time I get a chance to dive into faith and have a meaningful conversation around it, and last night was one of those nights. I do get to witness almost daily when I'm working, but I often don't get a person's undivided attention. Its not often that someone places the present entertainment on hold to talk about God with me. Last night, if for only that reason, was a good night. And last night I gained some ground connecting with an individual. Last night, I hope was the start of something new.... and last night a corner was turned and a new beginning realized.

Looking in the Mirror

"My target is excellence. But in order to excel in achieving this target, I must excel in characterizing myself with excellent moral values and principles."

Why do we do the exact thing we hate? I mean really, why? Is there something karmic in this universe that slaps us in the face and gets joy out of it? I don't have any exciting answer or even much of a solution, but I made a decision yesterday while driving to work. I was angry, really angry at myself. I honestly don't ever remember feeling that much anger towards myself about my action, or to be more specific, the lack of an action at all. but I was, and still feeling the hang-over from it. I've come to the conclusion that while I'm a great guy (which to be honest gets you no-where fast), I'm lazy, un-motivated, I lack personal fulfillment, and among other things... (to be frank) a loser.

Yes, I have a lot going for me, but am I really doing anything with it? I've been so busy watching life, I'm not truly living life. At least not the way I should. So here I am, proclamating to the world exactly how uncool I am, and starting now that is going to change. No more facades, or telling myself "tomorrow." Today is what I can control and today is where I will live. Key word: live... not just exist, or coast, or sit in-waiting. Today I'm taking the bull by the horns.

Baby, Its Cold Outside!!

There is something about writing that becomes therapeutic. Letting words flow from thought onto paper...it seems to create some validation of thought and presence. It's self reflection, it's an opportunity to share and an opportunity to celebrate, to create...

But for me, right now, its provides an opportunity to procrastinate. to delay the inevitable. Its giving me a few more moments inside. A few more taps of the keyboard will allow me to stay warm a few minutes longer. You see, while all you smart individuals out there get to stay inside and drink hot chocolate, watch a movie, or anything that might help you escape from the weather this weekend. I get to be in it. I get to stand outside and hope that somebody, anybody, decides that going out tonight is a good idea. Its a hope because, what the heck am I freezing my butt off for if its not for those who laugh at the weather-man, for those who scoff at the storm and say... not tonight mother nature, not tonight! Because if it isn't for those who decide to venture into this blizzard, my night will continue to drag on, every minute feeling like an hour, and every hour... well, you get where I'm going!

The time has come... Procrastination and putting off is now coming to a close. Work is calling out my name... so for all of you who will not be outside this evening---I'm green with envy. Know I will be thinking of you much and often, and by all means, eat a slice of pizza for me!

If

If I would have created the word procrastinate, its definition would mirror the activities of my day today.

And as motivated as I claim to be, the days that I am not continue to surprise me.
Tomorrow must be better...