Moon

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." - Buddha

Have you ever spent much time thinking about the sun? The sun in itself is pretty remarkable. Amazing. Without the sun, life wouldn’t exist as we know it. When was the last time you looked at the sun? When was the last time you looked at it without any special filter between your retina and its rays? Maybe on a cloudy day, if you squint just right you can get a glimpse; but still its hard to look directly at it. But that’s okay. Its okay because the sun is full of energy, as a source for life it serves its purpose. Its giving… constantly.

The sun does have a counterpart. Just like every match made in heaven; the sun has its perfect mate: the moon. The moon isn’t quite like the sun. It doesn’t radiate with energy but gives back in an entirely different way. In relation to how often you look towards the sun, with what frequency do you gaze at the moon? The moon demands our attention through mere existence. It captures us in its mysterious shapes and sizes. We have traveled to it and walked on its surface. It gives us opportunity to react with it in an entirely different way. But how? It does this by reflecting the Sun’s energy. The moon, in a sense, acts as a mirror; reflecting back the rays of light in a manner which we can enjoy an otherwise distant object. The combination of the two allow us to experience so many different things, yet by themselves seem less exciting.

So when I think of who I am and how I’d like to be… I choose to be like the moon. I want to reflect and give back to those around me. I want to give in a way that can be interactive and exciting. Not to be a wall others bounce off, but to absorb their energy and give it back; sometimes reflecting in ways that bring new perspectives and possibilities. I can be the life of the party and brighten a room, but I don’t do it by outshining others; I do it by engaging others and vesting in them. Understanding, listening, and allowing them to be captivated through reciprocation. The moon is an object that does all its work by simply being available. That availability creates an excitement in its own right, and allows for others to continue to gaze up to the sky with anticipation. We look forward to it, track it, and invite it into our lives. Why wouldn’t I choose to be like that?!

Chase It Down

You don't run from your future, you run towards it.

Sometimes facing the inevitability of our future is scary; so we avoid it by holding on to our present - anything that may provide comfort. We fight change, or more importantly we make decisions to avoid our destined outcome. We seek solace in the things we feel we can control. All of that present comfort prolongs the joy that lies waiting for us.

I was reminded lately how we continually prioritize people and things in our life ahead of our creator. Personally I find myself reaching for God, but I'm stuck in the realm of worldly perspective. I continue to prioritize relationships and activity above my creator. And when those things end in a catastrophic let down - I"m drawn back to Him because I know that He will never fail me. It makes me ask the question if our faith (or at least my faith personally) has become some type of safety net. God will continue to draw us towards Him. What is unfortunate is that more often than not it takes pain to get our attention. That thought alone creates within me a deep sadness. In this world so dominated by status - how can we continually remind ourselves that God's grace alone is enough?

In the book Radical by David Platt, he points out early in the book that we are molding Jesus into our image... Platt describes this as:

"A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism, and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that he receives all our affection. A Jesus who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on our comforts, because, after all, he loves us just the way we are. A Jesus who wants us to be balanced, who wants us to avoid dangerous extremes, and who, for that matter, wants us to avoid danger al together. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American Dream."

I don't point this out because I'm looking at others, but that I'm looking in the mirror. I'm not pointing fingers, but to stand up in recognition of my actions... not just my beliefs. I've always said that becoming a christian was the single most difficult decision I could have made. The reward makes it easy, but it is the commitment that is required that makes it so challenging. Which is exactly why fighting the present is so damn hard. We are creatures of comfort. We seek solace in areas of this world that create distance from our creator. And we fight like hell to remain in a state best described as average. We aren't unhappy enough with our life to change, but we're not truly filled with joy... so we fight and struggle and claw to get ahead - which seems to look a lot like keeping up with our neighbor.

God is holding something wonderful, more than can be imagined. Running from that future is not the solution. If we are to find true joy, it is going to take more than just being comfortable and hiding in the present. It is going to require that we run, no, we need to chase our future down, because what God has prepared for us lies waiting. And what lies waiting cannot be measured in our own worldly terms!

The Irresistible Revolution

"Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual. But the one who has love, courage, and wisdom moves the world." ~Ammon Hennacy (Catholic activist. 1893 - 1970)

Someone once asked me about my choice to follow Jesus specifically in the context of following the crowd, or subscribing to the norm. Without being defensive and without sounding offended my response was this: Being a christian and following Jesus has been the hardest decision I've ever made, but also the most rewarding.

I recently started re-reading The Irresistible Revolution. Below are some things that have stood out and stirred emotion. I just want to share. No commentary, no other thoughts, just sharing. I encourage you to read, and reflect on what I'm sharing.

... Spiritual Bulimia. Bulimia, of course, is a tragic eating disorder, largely linked to identity and image, where folks consume large amounts of food but vomit it up before it has a chance to digest. I developed the spiritual form of it where I did my devotions, read all the new Christian books and saw the Christian movies, and then vomited information up to friends, small groups, and pastors. but it had never had the chance to digest. I had gorged myself on all the products of the Christian industrial complex but was spiritually starving to death. I was marked by an overconsumptive but malnourished spirituality, suffocated by Christianity but thirsty for God.
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"Its not the parts of the Bible that I don't understand that scare me, but the parts I do understand" - Mark Twain

Only Jesus would be crazy enough to suggest that if you want to become the greatest, you should become the least. ... And then I met Jesus and he wrecked my life. The more I read the gospel, the more it messed me up, turning everything I believed in, valued, and hoped for upside-down. I am still recovering from my conversion.

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Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, "well, why don't you ask?" The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, "I'm scared God will ask me the same question." Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "you tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet."

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"We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it." - Mother Teresa

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"Very truly I tell you, all who have faith in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." - John 14:12

... what had lasting significance were not the miracles themselves but Jesus' love. Jesus raised his friend lazarus from the dead, and a few years later, Lazarus died again. Jesus healed the sick, but they eventually caught some other disease. He fed the thousands, and the next day they were hungry again. But we remember is his love. It wasn't that Jesus healed a leper but that he touched a leper, because no one touched lepers. And the incredible thing about that love is that it now lives inside of us. In the verses just after the one about the greater things. Jesus assures us that the Spirit now lives in us. Jesus says that he is going to the Father but will also remain inside of us, and we in him. We are the body of Christ, the hands and feet of jesus to the world.

Roots

Roots:

~family, ethnic, or cultural origins, especially the reasons for one’s long standing emotional attachment to a place or community.

~the essential substance or nature of something

~a part of a thing attaching it to a greater or more fundamental whole; the end or base

~The part of a plant that attaches it to ground or to a support, typically underground, conveying water and nourishment to the plant via nourishment and fibers

I had a conversation with an old friend last night. A good friend. The type of friend that despite miles and years of being apart, nothing has changed. Well, plenty has changed - so much has changed. But in reconnecting, in talking and sharing all that has happened, its like no time has passed. It seems one of the few ways we can disregard our calendar... and that clock we manage each of our days by.

Their are few individuals out there that despite the choices we make and the places the road may take us. All of that distance can be overcome with a simple hello, a warm smile, or just the memory of a time that seemed so simple. Those individuals are rooted deep within our being. Not part of our identity, but so deeply involved with who we have become that no matter where we are, they seem a stones throw away - willing to take part in the most important part of our lives.

I suppose I could be putting way too much into the idea of... or the importance of those who have been with us as we’ve grown, seen our successes and our mistakes and continue to celebrate our small victories. Like the definitions above, our roots are our origins, attach us to our base, a community which provides nourishment and support. There is something to be said about who you grew up with in those places in which you grew up... a sense of belonging, a common denominator or unsaid understanding of each other. There is comfort in that. Thats why reunions can be so exciting - sharing where you’ve been with those from which you came.

This is a thank you. This is a shout out. I’m giving virtual props to those who have grown with me. Wherever you may be, whatever you may be experiencing... even though I may not be within arms reach, I’m not far.

And this also goes out to the individual who sparked this blog... a long distance dedication, and a thank you. You know who you are. You are special and loved by many. I may be miles and miles away... but as we know, that span can be covered in as little as ten digits.

Odds

Screw the odds. ...the odds mean crap. So people should face it and they should fight. ~ Lexi Grey, Grey’s Anatomy.

Too often in life we look at what is most likely to happen, what do the numbers say. More often then not, they deter us, give us some level of confidence. Confidence that we fail to create because we’re afraid, afraid to fight for something we’re unsure of.

That which we are unsure of makes us question the fabric of what makes us human. We are created to defy the laws we create, to defy the things we set boundaries for which we do not understand. We lean on the ideas of science when we cannot find an explanation, only to realize that we cannot know with any certainty how we have come to be who we are.

I want to be a fighter. I want to fight for the things I hope for, dream of, and desire most in my heart. The world knocks us down and its not if we get up, but how many times, and how often. Odds say we will stay down. I say its time to get up. Odds rely on a set of numbers created to substantiate a claim. I don’t do odds, My will, my hope, my expectations don’t do odds. Odds... are an excuse.

I say... no more excuses.

Rock and Roll

There is a song I have been hearing for about a year, but recently have had a different take on it. It is a good, catchy song called Rock & Roll by Eric Hutchinson. Its one of those songs that makes you want to sing along and get up dance to, but the message is pretty interesting. The chorus is:

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If they wanna rock they rock
If they wanna roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they're in control
If they wanna stay they stay
If they wanna go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know

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The premise of the song lies in the decisions these individuals are making are dictated by societal norms, which, really are not out of the ordinary. What caught my attention is the two lines referring to control and a place of comfort. Which, is exactly what I think most individuals do; fall into a cycle of going nowhere. A place called no-man’s-land. A place where one isn’t really happy, but they’re not really unhappy enough to do anything about it. One sits in a rut, going through a life of mediocrity not getting uncomfortable to do anything about it. And to me, I think I struggle at times with the idea of doing something, knowing I’m falling into that rut. There is a tendency to get lost in our days of punching the clock, eating dinner, making plans with friends and family for the weekend, etc. Not that we all don’t fall into familiar patterns, but I think it is the patterns that enable us to maintain a status quo that become dangerous. Sitting in that place where we find comfort but not joy puts us into a kind of trance, a full-fledged rat race that keeps us struggling with the same thing every day. As a Christian, more specifically a person who longs to continue to build a stronger relationship with God, the biggest obstacle to get over in developing that relationship is that comfort zone. That area in life allows us to believe we’re on track and doing fine. Its not until we get out of the rut that we realize the difference. So if this world is one which in many ways promotes mediocrity, how is it that we continue to strive for greatness? How do we as individuals continue to create opportunity for ourselves? What do we do to keep us from being average? Not that average is a bad thing, that isn’t the issue at all, the issue is in the not knowing. Many “average people” are able to do great things with the tools they have. The question then seems to become: how do we wake up the average person? How can we open their eyes, encourage them to take the red pill, nudging them up out of the rut? How do we do that for ourselves? How do I personally get out of the rut I find myself in from time to time?

I think the answer is in action. It lies in doing. The foundation of seeking God first, creating and building the relationship which will foster further opportunity in life. Opening the eyes of non-believers and believers alike through example. During Jesus’ time, and shortly after when Paul was bringing new believers daily to God, the biggest and most contentious individuals were believers. That in itself should say a lot about the history of religion. Knowing that, understanding that we can get lost in “feeling in control” and “getting somewhere we know” is where we as human beings get lost within certain confines. We get so tied up in our current ideas and the ideas that have been impressed upon us, that we enable ourselves to get caught up daily.

As I go forward, it is my purpose to find ways to improve upon myself daily. That involves prayer, quiet time, exercise, community, and compassion & tolerance. I believe that we all hold a purpose, and I want to believe that each and everyone of us hold within us a purpose filled life. The challenge is finding ways to wake up that dormant purpose and make it something we all can act on consciously. I think we need to do that for each other. We need to do that for our brothers and sisters in Christ, and for those who have yet to find God. To encourage greatness in each other, to nourish accomplishment through servant leadership, and to continue to come to God humbly, transparent, and honest.

unknown

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. ~Hebrews 12:11

I’ve said it before and I still prescribe to it, at least from certain moments to others, it is the unknown that will make you wonder. Make you second guess. Make you start to ask questions you wouldn’t normally ask - or think of asking I suppose. I don’t know if its all that bad. Its just something that isn’t comfortable. I don’t know anyone who is at peace with the unknown. Personally, I’ve been known to embrace it; but does embracing the idea of the unknown really shaking its hand in acceptance and understanding? I think its more like climbing on a bull and holding on for all you have, hoping you can handle whatever comes your way.

I think thats where I am. I am holding on - not knowing what is about to happen, but I’ve got my hands wrapped in this rope of an experience and I’m hoping for greatness. I’m hoping for more than the eight seconds or fifteen minutes of fame. I’m going to continue to prepare and set myself up for success and wait for those answers to the questions that have somehow eluded me in the presence of the things I have yet to discover.

"Crazy"

Don’t wonder why people go crazy, wonder why they don’t.

Crazy has a tendency to have a bad rap. Its connotation leads one to think poor of someone or something. But you know what? I want crazy. I want to experience it in all facets of my life. I want to be the fool. I want to be so fricken enthusiastic about what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with that the only way to describe the moment would be with the words like: silly, absurd, ridiculous, preposterous, cockamamie, passionate, keen, enamored, infatuated, smitten, devoted, fanatical, wild, mad, and… hog wild.

My thing is: I think its somewhere out there looking for me. When in fact it could be right here. Waiting for life to lift me up will keep me where I am; I think it might be time to show this world what it is that I’ve been waiting on…

Anyone feel like joining me?

Affirmation

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death. ~ Robert Fulghum

While in church yesterday, I had somewhat of a realization. I realized while singing, that I was not only in worship but in affirmation. (Some of you reading are thinking, “well...duh!” but I had never put it into that framework before.) An affirmation is an action or declaration a person may make in relation to conscience. Many of us daily will constantly make affirmations to ourself. Most of them are unconscious while some have purpose, either way they continue to affirm the things we believe - whether we want to or not.

Among other things, music does that for us. Affirms our beliefs, our ideas and our feelings on a certain topic. The reason certain lyrics speak to me in worship is the same reason others will be welcoming when I’m experiencing a broken heart. Think about it, if only for a moment, music is one of the few mediums that can change our mood in a matter of moments, regardless of our activity. Think about the music you listen to when you’re running, or doing something active, or when you’re trying to stay awake when you find yourself driving a car late at night. Now think about the music you listen too during dinner, or winding down, studying, reading, or perhaps when you’re sad or upset. The music will reaffirm a feeling we desire to feel. Now you’re thinking who wants to feel sad, why would we want to revisit that particular state of being? Maybe you’re recovering from some great love affair, maybe you’re remembering a lost friend or family member, maybe the song reminds you of an old pet. Listening to the song may bring some longing, but it also reaffirms that the time spent with that person was one worth remembering. A moment yesterday where time vested was worth the sadness you may be experiencing today.

So what does this mean for me? It means that I must create a thicker filter. Not to keep myself from experiencing sadness, but one that ensures growth, one that leads to positive experience. I’m not just referring to music and the songs I listen to, but also the environment I find myself spending my time. If our thoughts have an unconscious impact upon our lives, I want to ensure that mine will be productive and positive. Today I must take steps that will promote the growth God has in store for me.

just move

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Mahatma Ghandi

Sometimes movies will move you... maybe that is where the word movie is derived from. Although it is most likely short for moving picture, I think it should be derived from the very word: move. To move is to change... something. From one place to another, from one state or point of view, an opinion, to take action, to stir up, develop, progress or depart from. But I think my favorite is: to provoke strong feeling. Movies can take you places you never thought possible. Sometimes its just for a moment, for the duration of the picture. Sometimes it lingers, sometimes it moves you to something greater. Sometimes the impact of a movie will spark change or feeling that prior lied dormant in the shadows of your soul.

We go to movies for entertainment, to escape reality, to dream, to experience something new, to live in another realm if only for a moment. But sometimes that moment escapes the theater and brings about a realization of a greater purpose in our own lives. If anyone asks me why I like the movies... this soon will become my standard response :)

So as you read this, you’re wondering what it is I watched to spark these words... I can’t say if it was a specific theatrical experience. But what I can say is, I dare you to dream. I challenge you to get outside and take the chances you will only find in shadows of your future self.

Beautiful Silence

Hello.

I sit here feeling as if I should be writing something great. A complication of words that provides reflection and a perspective to spark growth, or at least some introspective thought. Or maybe there is some story out there that will make someone smile... but not tonight. Tonight, I feel like writing, like sharing. Could it be I'm out of words. Could it be that in all my writing for my master's program I sit hear without anything share. Is that possible?

I think not. I think it is a beautiful thing to sit in silent reflection. To just be. Sitting and taking it all in. No music, no TV, no internet, no media to distract you. Nothing but the moment to fill you. A moment without time, a moment without worldly measure. A moment filled with opportunity for exploration. Taking the time to hear your inner most thoughts, taking the time to listen to God, taking the time to absorb all it can provide.... Taking the time to go against the grain and tell the world to wait on you...

It becomes a magical moment that becomes appreciated through experience.

This is me, encouraging you to escape from the world for a few minutes. Put everything aside for fifteen minutes and see where it takes you. Go seek and see what you may find!

Looking in the Mirror

"My target is excellence. But in order to excel in achieving this target, I must excel in characterizing myself with excellent moral values and principles."

Why do we do the exact thing we hate? I mean really, why? Is there something karmic in this universe that slaps us in the face and gets joy out of it? I don't have any exciting answer or even much of a solution, but I made a decision yesterday while driving to work. I was angry, really angry at myself. I honestly don't ever remember feeling that much anger towards myself about my action, or to be more specific, the lack of an action at all. but I was, and still feeling the hang-over from it. I've come to the conclusion that while I'm a great guy (which to be honest gets you no-where fast), I'm lazy, un-motivated, I lack personal fulfillment, and among other things... (to be frank) a loser.

Yes, I have a lot going for me, but am I really doing anything with it? I've been so busy watching life, I'm not truly living life. At least not the way I should. So here I am, proclamating to the world exactly how uncool I am, and starting now that is going to change. No more facades, or telling myself "tomorrow." Today is what I can control and today is where I will live. Key word: live... not just exist, or coast, or sit in-waiting. Today I'm taking the bull by the horns.

The In-between

The other night, as I'm walking into my new apartment, (not new as in just built, but new as in... recently moved) I'm interrupted by a strange man thrusting documents into my hands. As I'm telling my sister to hold on... and eventually that I'd call her back; I take the papers. And with probably a bewildered look, I'm trying to figure out why I'm holding foreclosure papers for the house that I've been renting for less than a month. The surprise of the situation, caused me to leave the keys in the door lock and walk upstairs... and after realizing there wasn't much I could do at 10:37 at night, I went to bed.

I'm finding myself lost somewhere between where I am and the place I desire to be. Where I am is not at all a bad place, but its not one that I won't ever find satisfaction... or contentment for that matter. I don't necessarily mean my living situation, but my work and the where I find myself spending time. So as I sit here, knowing that my current situation is unfavorable at best, I'm waiting to act... anticipating change that will come eventually, but trying to find the courage to bite the bullet and create that change I long for. So I sit her somewhere in the in-between waiting to pounce. Hoping that once I do, it will be a vault that will launch me somewhere great, and that the passion I have will fuel the action needed to land where I want to be.

Admittance

It is becoming more and more clear to me that my life is in some way beginning to be defined by the opposite sex. Currently, I work with mostly women and soon I will have three women as roommates; but the latest installment of this saga has to do with a team of eighth grade girls.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my eighth grade basketball team, or should I say former basketball team of girls. The season has come to a close. Another chapter of coaching has been played out. This season had its challenges and frustrations for me... but it also had its surprises.

I was surprised by the gratitude of the parents... the respect and the support they provided me with was something that could not be measured. I was surprised to see how certain players developed. (Even though I never knew what I might be walking into every
practice---each one was different, each provided unique challenges... each one provided further insight into a teenage girl; but I must preface this with: I still remain clueless.)

And yesterday, after all was said and done, I was surprised with some tears. Tears from a few players... as I listened, I felt my own tears welling up. As these eighth grade girls blubbered on about how I was the best coach they've had (in their short career I must add). And how I would be missed, and how the end wasn't wanted. I was taken back. Of all things, the things that were said were most unexpected. I was (for a moment) at a loss for words. Not that I should be completely surprised, I mean, I still have some of my the guys I coached in college contacting me regularly. I don't think that any of them would ever utter the same words that these few girls did, but... Know that I held back my tears as best as I could... Could you imagine a group of girls and a twenty-something male in tears after a basketball game with their parents onlooking?!? The thought of it still produces a smile!



All of this brings me to the further realization that we can never fully comprehend the impact we have on another. As brief or as engaged a relationship or interaction may be, the relational
reciprocation of the waves that may follow cannot be conceived; and we will never have the ability to quantify the range of our own impressions.

basically... I'm due.

so here I go again... trying to place random words together in a way that makes sense. All the while trying to make sense of this world filled with opportunity, serendipity, and confusion!
I've been busy, too busy... so busy that the last two weeks feels like a blur. I get days confused, activities accomplished mixed up, and those I interact with daily look at me with awe... awe in the sense that its not good... awe in the sense that they think I'm crazy!! Basically, I'm trying to make ends meet... I just don't know where they begin and where they end. I'm attacking each day with an end goal, a light at the end of the tunnel... I have ideas where I want that to be, but I'm truly unsure of the path I will end up on, or if the things I'm doing will take me there.

Which brings me back to the moment. This moment. A time where all the little things seem to add up to one big one and I can only hope...

So as I stand here wanting, waiting, anxious and driven... I still feel the need to focus and to
re-commit daily to the things I desire.

My buddy asked me yesterday what I was quitting for Lent. I told him that I hadn't really thought about it. I knew it was Ash Wednesday had passed, and I knew it was lent.. but for some reason, I spaced the purpose. And in recent years, I've decided not to take away from my life, but to celebrate Lent by adding to it. Although I understand the idea of fasting... and I do, and will... I've decided that its just as important to add value by adding something productive, something purposeful to the time. When we take something away, there is a tendency to replace it with something else (example: when people quit smoking, they start eating..)... so why not add purpose?
So... for Lent this year... I've decided two things. And based upon my lifestyle at the moment, these will be very difficult, but rewarding. They may seem at first glance superficial, but I tell you... it will require some divine intervention to maintain! I will be fasting from all fast food, and I will ensure that I exercise daily, regardless of how tired, busy, or lack of time exists in my day. I will reward and treat my body as I should. keeping out the bad and rewarding it with good.

Any thoughts?

How about ya'll? Anything you'll be doing different during Lent this year?

The Clock Has Struck 12...

As I look at this glass slipper I'm holding, I know she's out there. I know that as I look at my reflection tilting the slipper from side to side, I begin to wonder if I'm ready, truly ready, for the woman God is preparing me for. I know that I may not be the man He continues to challenge me to become. I am persistently patient, anxious, and excited. It's past midnight and I stand in reflection on the proverbial steps of life; I'm okay with waiting. I'm accepting that God has something wonderful prepared for me, and when I become ready, He will present opportunity in a way He deems fitting.

Its not that I'm wondering why or when or how, but its more along the lines of whether I'm worth what this slipper represents. I'd like to think that I emulate these prince-like qualities; I'm realizing more and more that I am not the man I am going to be. As I bow my head on bended knee, I realize that God is at work in my life. I stand, look up and smile, and with gratitude, I know good works are occurring.

I know that there are experiences I can only pursue with Him as a single man. And He knows me better than I could ever know myself. Knowing that I desire more than anything to be a loving husband and father, in large part to better understand His love for me. I think that as Christians, by having our own children and loving them beyond what can be expressed helps us to understand how He loves and cares for us. I feel that step -- building a family -- creates in us opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with God. Not only does He want that for us; He continues to prepare us for when the time will be right.

As I continue to pursue with a single heart, I look forward for the fitting.. For the woman that God is preparing for me. And when the time is right, when the moment comes, I will love and honor God by loving and honoring her.

Rocky

Last week I went to Rocky Balboa, When I was watching it, I couldn't help but think about Sly's real story. It is the story of Rocky. In the movie, Rocky is telling his son about how Life will beat you down, how it will continue to hit you hard to keep you there. And no-matter how hard life cuts you down you just have to keep getting up. And through that process, you will find out what you're made of and who you really are.
Throughout this movie, i was thinking of Sly's story. Most of you probably already know that he wrote Rocky. But did you know where the story came from and how it came about?
Sly, who always wanted to be an actor, was living in NY at the time. He wanted to act more than anything. He was so persistent that he had visited the agent's offices around NY six and seven times each. He finally got his first acting job because he wouldn't leave the guys office. After sitting all day waiting, he persisted in staying the night... he wasn't going to move without leaving with something. Well... the guy came back to the office the next day and gave him a job. He was in a movie for less than thirty seconds where he got beat up. If that isn't a sign of not being wanted I don't know what is... but Sly knew what he wanted. He knew his outcome. throughout this process, he was broke. He had no money and refused to get a job because he felt it would take away his hunger for achieving his dream. It got so bad, that he actually hawked his wife's jewelry... which inevitably was the end of their marriage. But the lowest point was when he had to try and sell his dog- His best friend in the world. He stood outside a liquor store trying to sell him, he couldn't take care of himself let alone his dog. Finally a guy offered him $20 for the dog. Sly didn't have much of a choice and took it.
Shortly after that, he's at home watching a fight between Muhammad Ali and some white guy named Wepner. Ali was beating this guy down, but Wepner just kept coming back, taking blow after blow, refusing to go down. He got an idea and started writing. He wrote Rocky in three days. He then started to try and get the movie produced. No one wanted it, they said it was too sappy, wasn't real, no one would want to see it... but Sly persisted. Finally he found two guys who loved the script and offered to buy it from him. But there was a catch, Sly wasn't selling the script without Him being the main character, Rocky. After much debate, they made a final offer of over two-hundred thousand dollars for him not to star in his own movie. Thats a lot of money for anyone, but we're talking about a guy who is practically living on the street, who frequents libraries just to stay warm. A guy who had to sell his best friend for twenty bucks so he could eat. Sly's response: not without me, I'm Rocky. So finally, they agreed and offered him $35,000 and points in the movie for him to play Rocky. So what do you think Sly did after that? He went back to the liquor store and hoped that the guy who he sold his dog to frequented the store. After three days, the guy came walking in. After the guy refused, because he liked the dog and it was his now... Sly continued to up the ante... and he wasn't going to stop until he got his dog. Sly ended up paying the guy $15,000 and a part in the movie to get his dog back. Pretty cool huh? It gets better... after they won the oscar for best picture, in his acceptance speech, Sly read what all the critics had said about the script, and why it wouldn't make it. Talk about sweet revenge... or karma... take your pick.

So as I was watching Rocky Balboa the other day, all I was thinking about was the trial and tribulation it took for Sly to get what he wanted. How I felt like I was watching in a lot of ways, an autobiography.

The next day I watched Invincible. (do you think I was needing some motivation?)
What I found interesting about these two stories (Sly and Vince) is that they both used the negative critic to achieve. That they were driven by the non-believers. They both had their support groups (Vince and his bar buddies, and Sly and his dog), but used the negative as fuel to create something positive.

As I sit here today, I don't know what my life will bring, but I hope that I can have a fraction of the drive, motivation, integrity, loyalty, humbleness and courage that these two individuals have shown. And regardless where I end up, I know that my path will be built on character. It will be God-willing, and I will be gracious in my endeavors. I just need the courage to continue to get back up after each life-altering blow I may receive.

Influence

As a personal trainer, it became very clear to me that for my client to be successful, he or she needed a strong social support system. This system would have to reinforce my clients goals and desires through continued motivation for perseverance. What I witnessed more often than not, was that the system that was in place actually provided the opposite of what was needed. That social system that appeared to be encouraging in the beginning, reeled its head and became an area of destruction. After giving it further thought, I came to the understanding that fear was keeping this support system from being supportive.

there is an aspect within our social stratosphere that keeps us from growing. Many individuals will keep from making a decision that benefits them greatly, because it will have considerable affect on their social environment. Through development and growth or by success we will enter into new social systems. Either by default, or by choice. Whether that is a perceived development or actual, at this level, it really doesn't matter. This is an active choice we make, because we desire something greater. the other, which has the same actions or tools in which we find our vehicle for success has another twist. We all of the sudden have a lack of support system. Our closest friends, the ones we share our lives with will show a lack of support. Sometimes by steering us in another direction through guilt, other times by just slowly removing themselves from the picture. the kicker is this: the message is sent telling us its our fault. because WE'RE changing, and because I MAKE THE DECISION which will in my eyes better my life, my situation, etc, etc... I am at fault for the failing social relationship.

People (in general) are afraid of change, afraid of the unknown. If someone close to me is embarking on an amazing journey of self-discovery. I may be afraid that their discovery won't involve me. My fear resonates with the unknown possibility of me being taken out of the picture. All of the sudden my world is changing, and I don't want it to change.

I believe this happens because of the comfort we find ourselves in, and a selfish outlook of oneself. I wouldn't ever discourage someone from following their heart, their desires because it might mean that I would see them less, or because they would be less involved in my life. but people do. I would not stand in the way of success because I care first for the person and second for myself. Why should I hinder growth. why should I not be happy and encourage someone for striving for greatness.
It happens because in this world we live in, we are selfish. We look out for number one, we find ways to cut corners, to get ahead regardless of who we hurt or who makes the sacrifices for us. Why should I care? I mean really... C'mon... they made the decision, if I can benefit from it, why don't I? I deserve this or that... I want this...

We get so focused on our own wants, our own worldly things that when someone else succeeds we feel that it should have been us. that is why, when we have a friend who is successful, we celebrate in part because we want them to celebrate our successes. Its and interesting world we live in.

How can we be more selfless. How can we be more giving, more supporting? More challenging of the ones we love? By stepping away from the mirror, and washing ourselves from the selfishness that emanates within ourselves we can begin to give. I will always strive to support and honor and challenge and celebrate without hesitancy. Those of you who know me, know this through and through...Not that I won't make mistakes, or I won't struggle from time to time... but I expect that you will hold me accountable for my actions and my motives as I will challenge all of you to do the same.

Repetition

Repetition is the mother of skill. Through practice we develop certain skills that help foster talent. But the great thing about the development process, is that we are allowed to make mistakes, learn from them, and move forward with new opportunities. Opportunities that will lead to greatness...

Lately I've had to field some question on the history of my relationships. The most interesting part of this is that under quote-on-quote "normal" circumstances, these things don't necessarily come up. The question of the previous-said slash previous-feeling is somewhat new to me. And honestly I bring it on myself. Although I feel I come by it honestly, I get it. I do, I get it. How can I be sincere, how is it that certain feelings can appear repetitious? How can the excitement of something new come across in a manner that appears to be so much more?

I'll just pose one question to you before I go on. Have you ever in your experiences felt you were in love, and then in retrospect realized that it was masked by some other emotion or feeling? Or perhaps you thought you were traveling down one road only to realize you were on a completely different one, in a completely different place?

Personally, I haven't ever used the term without being in complete congruence of the definition. Even after looking back, I can honestly say that when I decided to love, it was true, it was honest. BUT, I have looked back at some relationships that I thought were headed in that direction and realized I had been fooled. I had been crawling through some desert long enough that the mirage looked real. Dramatic I know... but I think once we experience something great, we can't wait to find it again.

So... back to the issue :) I walk into anything new with fresh eyes. No lingering pain, no hesitation, no fear of getting hurt. I approach every relationship with one primary vision, and that is to view this person as a sister in Christ. And to provide the opportunity to develop into what God has planned for me. In the past, I have confused this desire for something great with the process of learning about someone. And although I hate to admit, I have made mistakes. I will always choose to fail over not trying. Can you fault me for that?

I'm starting to ramble... the point is this: I learn from my mistakes. Yes, I've said and felt things that have passed. Some faster than others. But what I am now realizing is how lack-luster those things were. Not to take any of it away from the relationship, but there is a reason those are history... and will stay that way. I've found that through self reflection and devotion, that none of this will compare to the woman God has prepared for me. What is important is that He has prepared my heart for someone special. He has done this primarily through the mistakes that I have made. I cannot regret, for it has brought me to something wonderful, something beautiful. It has brought be to today. But if I do not learn from those experiences, my wheels sit spinning.

My desire is to move forward. To grow, to be challenged, to create, to love and to be loved. I desire greatness. Greatness for myself and the person God will provide for me. Through the repetition of my failures, I have found what I have always desired. And through those mistakes God has helped shape me. He has shown me resilience and patience, and creativity in otherwise mundane circumstances. I truly believe that the 'mistakes' that I have been granted have prepared me for someone special, someone I hope to spend my life with, someone I desire to create in her all the things she provides for me...

Leadership

As I dive further and further into my own leadership style...if you would like to call it that...I'm learning that the deeper I dive, the more I must rely on God. What I mean is, that He has shown us time and time again what leadership is and should be, and how our work is affected by it. For example, the Bible does not give priorities on the various types of stewardship or work. In fact, most of the heroes in the Bible are people called to secular vocation. To piggy back on the writings of Dennis Bakke, he highlights a few things in terms of our work: (1) in seeking holiness and honoring God, we are called both to steward resources to serve people's physical needs and also to spread the story of redemption and other teachings of Jesus. While we as church goers may place an emphasis on evangelical association, little evidence bears that this is a higher calling than the work of managing his creation. (2) Nothing is more important than a person's coming into a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. (3) Being called to work in a secular organization is no better or worse than being called to work in a church, a para-church org. or an institution run by Christians. God may call us to work for Him in any of these settings, regardless of our occupation and particular talents. (4) If I see my work as a mission for God, my attitude and behavior at work are likely to change in a markedly positive way.

People often shift into positions of "sacred" from "secular" by operating their own nurseries, schools, social services, and charities. By doing so, they are inadvertently aiding those who would keep the church out of the public square. They should be encouraged to switch back or to maintain their position in these secular schools and companies where their faith may have a bigger impact.

"give something back" is another phrase thrown around by business leaders. It is a concept as flawed as "success to significance." Giving something back assumes I took something I should have while working. Certainly this would not be the case if I saw my business as God intended it, a stewardship ministry to serve the needs of others and, in the process, my needs as well. Stewarding resources to meet needs of others is a legitimate "giving" activity. "giving back" is relevant only if I have misappropriated and mismanaged the resources I have been given to steward.

The creation story does not assign people, even leaders, the responsibility of "managing" other people. The Bible says that people are to have dominion over the animals and plants. It encourages humans to act as stewards for the world we live in. It does not, however, encourage us to dominate other people. It never classifies people as "resources." The Bible does endorse leadership. What is the difference? Biblical leadership requires those in authority to serve the people they lead. Leaders do whatever it takes to allow followers to use their talents effectively. Thus, good leaders delegate decisions and create an environment in which others can manage God's world. God allowed human kind ot make the ultimate decision of life. He gave us the choice to acknowledge and follow God or to reject Him. We were created in God's likeness as moral beings with the ability to reason, make decisions, and be held responsible for the consequences.

So...how does this all transfer into organizational decisions in the "secular" world? This is very difficult to understand. There is a dilemma of a leader who, on one hand, is given authority over the entire organization and, on the other, is supposed to refrain from making decisions that others in the organization can make. Leaders do have the authority to make all decisions and direct all actions. Leaders are responsible for all that goes on within the organization. There is, however, no requirement that leaders make all or even most of the decisions for which they have authority. God could certainly control His creation through micromanagement, but he chose to delegate most decisions to us. Where God tends to take action is on matters of morality and questions of right and wrong. Shouldn't we follow His lead when we decide which decisions to make and which to delegate? God created humans in His image. We are to be creators like Him. I do not believe He meant that most important decisions should be left to Himself or to human leaders acting on His behalf. God wants us to enjoy our work just as He did.

If any of the previous has bothered you...or you may find it objectionable, I respect that. But you must understand first why I feel this way, and second where it comes from. I place my highest importance upon my relationship with God. Even though I struggle to keep it a priority in my life, it does not alter the importance I have placed upon it.

I believe that leadership begins first with serving others. By serving others, we begin to serve ourselves. There is no better example than giving. Most people enjoy giving a gift and receiving a joyous reaction from the receiver. Much more than just receiving a gift. At least thats what I truly enjoy....the giving...what i receive by giving far outweighs any gratitude I may feel for a received gift. I believe we need to practice this giving in our leadership opportunities. Allow a person to succeed...or even fail. They have been allowed to grow in the process, and we can help guide them. But not make decisions for them at the same time.

Being a leader means to provide and example, and to provide and environment for growth. And to give the opportunities for others as they need or desire. We have been programed since our first day of school to do what is told...we need to get out of the box and let our people make decisions that matter....allow them to grow from it...and allow our companies (however, or whichever it may be) to experience more success and growth because of it. And that is what will bring joy to our workplace. That is what will add meaning to otherwise meaningless tasks we find ourselves in daily.