The Clock Has Struck 12...

As I look at this glass slipper I'm holding, I know she's out there. I know that as I look at my reflection tilting the slipper from side to side, I begin to wonder if I'm ready, truly ready, for the woman God is preparing me for. I know that I may not be the man He continues to challenge me to become. I am persistently patient, anxious, and excited. It's past midnight and I stand in reflection on the proverbial steps of life; I'm okay with waiting. I'm accepting that God has something wonderful prepared for me, and when I become ready, He will present opportunity in a way He deems fitting.

Its not that I'm wondering why or when or how, but its more along the lines of whether I'm worth what this slipper represents. I'd like to think that I emulate these prince-like qualities; I'm realizing more and more that I am not the man I am going to be. As I bow my head on bended knee, I realize that God is at work in my life. I stand, look up and smile, and with gratitude, I know good works are occurring.

I know that there are experiences I can only pursue with Him as a single man. And He knows me better than I could ever know myself. Knowing that I desire more than anything to be a loving husband and father, in large part to better understand His love for me. I think that as Christians, by having our own children and loving them beyond what can be expressed helps us to understand how He loves and cares for us. I feel that step -- building a family -- creates in us opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with God. Not only does He want that for us; He continues to prepare us for when the time will be right.

As I continue to pursue with a single heart, I look forward for the fitting.. For the woman that God is preparing for me. And when the time is right, when the moment comes, I will love and honor God by loving and honoring her.

'Oh-Seven'

A lot has happened in the past year. Many, many surprises. Some good, some not so good, but in the end its brought me to today, and today is a good day.

I've been thinking about what to focus on this year, what should be my resolution for 2007. I've realized that what I need, what I desire most is to simplify. To get back to the basics and to focus on the things that matter most. Its not about what I need to achieve or accomplish...its not about accolades. I need to drop some weight, shed some all the stuff that continues to drag me down. I need to focus on the guts, the heart of the matter...I need to give of myself to others, my time and my talents. I need to be patient, to wait on God. I need to be a witness and a warrior in His name. To continue to be filled with gratitude, and continue to give all that I can. I desire to build a stronger relationship.... I desire to fulfill His will.

So what does this mean... It means that I will continue to be still, continue to use the time borrowed to me to the best of my abilities. And I will be thankful... and full of grace.

I kick 'Oh-Seven' off with an expectation for growth and courage.

NYE Debacle

I had made a commitment to go to an 80's themed party, which to be honest, I was super excited for, I also had been invited to another friends, which I know would have been great fun. So I apologize greatly to you two for not coming... but maybe its karma, because here is what my night ended up looking like:

There's really one reason why I decided to go where I did. The weather. I know, poor excuse, but I have a rear wheel drive vehicle, and my roommate was convincing me to attend his friends party, so I figured it would be safer and less driving if we just went out together. So off we went. We got there, and it was pretty quiet initially, and most of the people of were expected didn't show because of previous said reason. I can't fault them, but I at least ventured somewhere.... so pretty lame. But the tone of the night was set about 20 minutes into the party when a group of guys, 7 or so, started coming through the back door. One of the guys was swearing, the others were laughing and prodding.. whatever, I did what I shouldn't have done. I went to see what the deal was. As the guy walked in, he puckered up and asked for a kiss... I turned my cheek, kissed me, but unsatisfied demanded that I kiss him on the lips... WTF--Stupid drunk gay people... for real. But, I figured just to get it over with, what the hell... I gave him his peck, then he pursued to ask if I was gay... go figure. We had eleven queens in the house and only two of them were actually of the female sex. That should have been my sign right there to leave... We ended up playing a drinking game, and Texas hold-em. It wasn't my night to play cards either. My first hand I went all in with pocket aces, and got my ass handed to me by a guy holding a three -card. Whatever... the next game I came back and had three-quarter of the chips when my roommate (because his recent girl was calling) decided to continue to go all in.... The chump drew 4 pairs in a row, not to mention a jack/king... and he beat me on pocket aces. It was not my night for cards. And the only action I got was from a some drunk drama queen bitching about his sterling silver chain getting wet in the snow.

But I did manage to avoid another kissing queen. After counting down, one of the guys was making his rounds, after kissing my roommate (which I found pretty entertaining), he leaned over to kiss me, before I could react, he slipped and fell behind the chair dumping is drink all over himself. That was funny... but by the time he gathered himself, he had aborted said mission to go clean up.

While driving home, Matt and I decided that was the wrong party to attend. So next year. There is always next year. Three hundred sixty-four more days before a new-year's redemption.

action

Its not whether you love someone, everyone loves someone and that doesn't change anything. Its in your actions. What you feel only matters to you. its what you do for the people you say you love. That's what matters, that is the only thing that counts. In how you honor the one you love. How you will do what it takes... not giving up and letting the chips fall where they lay. Being honest, having courage, resisting temptation, getting up, showing integrity, bearing congruency and being willing to forgive. These are steps, these are challenges. It requires that we look away from the mirror and on to something else... someone else.

Rocky

Last week I went to Rocky Balboa, When I was watching it, I couldn't help but think about Sly's real story. It is the story of Rocky. In the movie, Rocky is telling his son about how Life will beat you down, how it will continue to hit you hard to keep you there. And no-matter how hard life cuts you down you just have to keep getting up. And through that process, you will find out what you're made of and who you really are.
Throughout this movie, i was thinking of Sly's story. Most of you probably already know that he wrote Rocky. But did you know where the story came from and how it came about?
Sly, who always wanted to be an actor, was living in NY at the time. He wanted to act more than anything. He was so persistent that he had visited the agent's offices around NY six and seven times each. He finally got his first acting job because he wouldn't leave the guys office. After sitting all day waiting, he persisted in staying the night... he wasn't going to move without leaving with something. Well... the guy came back to the office the next day and gave him a job. He was in a movie for less than thirty seconds where he got beat up. If that isn't a sign of not being wanted I don't know what is... but Sly knew what he wanted. He knew his outcome. throughout this process, he was broke. He had no money and refused to get a job because he felt it would take away his hunger for achieving his dream. It got so bad, that he actually hawked his wife's jewelry... which inevitably was the end of their marriage. But the lowest point was when he had to try and sell his dog- His best friend in the world. He stood outside a liquor store trying to sell him, he couldn't take care of himself let alone his dog. Finally a guy offered him $20 for the dog. Sly didn't have much of a choice and took it.
Shortly after that, he's at home watching a fight between Muhammad Ali and some white guy named Wepner. Ali was beating this guy down, but Wepner just kept coming back, taking blow after blow, refusing to go down. He got an idea and started writing. He wrote Rocky in three days. He then started to try and get the movie produced. No one wanted it, they said it was too sappy, wasn't real, no one would want to see it... but Sly persisted. Finally he found two guys who loved the script and offered to buy it from him. But there was a catch, Sly wasn't selling the script without Him being the main character, Rocky. After much debate, they made a final offer of over two-hundred thousand dollars for him not to star in his own movie. Thats a lot of money for anyone, but we're talking about a guy who is practically living on the street, who frequents libraries just to stay warm. A guy who had to sell his best friend for twenty bucks so he could eat. Sly's response: not without me, I'm Rocky. So finally, they agreed and offered him $35,000 and points in the movie for him to play Rocky. So what do you think Sly did after that? He went back to the liquor store and hoped that the guy who he sold his dog to frequented the store. After three days, the guy came walking in. After the guy refused, because he liked the dog and it was his now... Sly continued to up the ante... and he wasn't going to stop until he got his dog. Sly ended up paying the guy $15,000 and a part in the movie to get his dog back. Pretty cool huh? It gets better... after they won the oscar for best picture, in his acceptance speech, Sly read what all the critics had said about the script, and why it wouldn't make it. Talk about sweet revenge... or karma... take your pick.

So as I was watching Rocky Balboa the other day, all I was thinking about was the trial and tribulation it took for Sly to get what he wanted. How I felt like I was watching in a lot of ways, an autobiography.

The next day I watched Invincible. (do you think I was needing some motivation?)
What I found interesting about these two stories (Sly and Vince) is that they both used the negative critic to achieve. That they were driven by the non-believers. They both had their support groups (Vince and his bar buddies, and Sly and his dog), but used the negative as fuel to create something positive.

As I sit here today, I don't know what my life will bring, but I hope that I can have a fraction of the drive, motivation, integrity, loyalty, humbleness and courage that these two individuals have shown. And regardless where I end up, I know that my path will be built on character. It will be God-willing, and I will be gracious in my endeavors. I just need the courage to continue to get back up after each life-altering blow I may receive.

Merry Christmas

Christmas is my favorite time of year. Its a time to rejoice, a time with family, a time of year where the world pauses, if only for a moment, to celebrate the birth of Christ.

this year, as I removed myself from the chaos and distractions of all that goes on this holiday season, I realized that today really isn't completely about Jesus at all. Its about us. It is about you and I. Jesus was and continues to be our gift, our promise from God. We are His children, and as John 3:16 states, He gave us His son, so that we could have eternal life. How the familiarity of that verse becomes amazingly mundane, but still rings true with excitement.

Think of it this way. Although I don't have any children in my family at the moment, I did have an opportunity to see it through my work...just a glimpse... but.. Think about when you celebrate Christmas with young children. If you were to ask any young child what they're excited about, what would their response be? They look forward to the presents. They get excited about the packaging, tearing it off with anticipation just to see what hides beneath. And you can just see the excitement exuded from them. Its infectious... and it gives us, the giver, joy to see that. God is our giver, and we are the young children receiving the gift. He delights in giving to His children... He gets the ultimate reward in giving, and we get everlasting life through the sacrifice of His son.

Today, as I celebrate the birth of our Savior, I lift up a praise of thanks for this wonderful gift I've been given.

Merry Christmas!

Only a Man

I love this song. I can't stop listening to it. And well... a repost is in order. I hope you enjoy the lyrics as much as I do.

I used to live my life in fear, was worried all the time
From waking up to lying down, I had no peace of mind.
The world became a darkened place, a struggle without end
Although bitter times those were, the days that I became to understand
I was only a man

I grew up singing songs in church with questions in my mind
And turned my back and ran away from God who gave me light
Then one night, his presence fell, I wept and shook and then
I fell down and cried dear Jesus rescue me again
I understand I am only a man

And He said:

What will it be now?
Will you choose me or keep swimming upstream now?
I've been inside your head hearing you scream out
Well here I am just take my hand and
I'll take out all of the pain and all of the fear
All of the fear

I give you my burdens

I'll give you peace

All of my desires

I'll give you what you need.

And what about these chains Lord

I'll set you free

But they're so heavy

Lay them at my feet.

I'll lay them at Your feet
Just promise You won't leave

I'll never leave

So where do I go from here Lord?

Just follow me, Just follow me.

I'll follow You, wherever You lead
Wherever You lead..