Moments

What are we defined by? Is it our accomplishments? The things that we do for others to see? Do we perform in ways in public which define us? Is it how we want to be perceived or is it something more? The more that I'm thinking about... at least I'm beginning to think it is are much smaller moments. Moments of truth, behind the doors away from those we want to impress, in the shadows where we are most vulnerable, to those who know us, or those we want to know us. The look in someone's eye. Their breath on your neck. The way you feel when the one you love smiles. These small seemingly unimpressive moments define who we shall be. Away from the cameras and out of the spotlight. Celebrity in a lot of ways is fictional. It is the mask for the general public to buy into or at the very least to believe in. And I know there are some extremely wonderful leaders with great renown... but that all started with something small. Some momentary truth to guide them. A commitment to an idea or vision, the realization that by themselves they stand still... that no man is an island. What are those defining moments? What do we expect of ourselves? What sparks the growth? The challenge? The motivation?

I realized close to ten years ago that I had a desire to be seen a certain way. For example; I wanted others to see me as "a good christian boy". So, I would choose to read my bible where others could see me... and not only that, but where they would have to see me. I came to terms that what I was doing and what I was portraying were contradicting. And at that moment, decided that any time in study would be behind closed doors--to ensure that my purpose was not jaded. That was hard for me to do... because growing up, so much of what you want is to be perceived one way or another.

I've approached my relationships the same way. Knowing I want true love, I will not settle or allow mediocrity. It takes a lot for me to face the truth about a relationship, and realize whether its "good for now" or really 'the one". There is comfort in companionship; in having someone by your side. I've had to really dig deep when faced with a comfortable-companion vs. the-love-of-my-life-that-will-take-me-places-never-imagined.

So what moments really define us? I think its the small, little, unannounced moments that take us places we want to be. It's the decisions we make behind closed doors that make us extraordinary and one to be reckoned with. It's the moment when you look into a lover's eyes and know without saying that there is no other place in the world you'd rather be. I know what moments make or break my day---little does it have to do with perception. The make or break happens in the congruency of my reflection. It happens when I look into the eyes of the person I admire most. When I see a smile of someone I long for. These are the moments worth living... They are the definition of who we are and what we value.