Dedication to Grey's Fans

I want a dance party. Well, not a dance party specifically, but more the idea of a dance party. An escape from the daily grind, an opportunity to find peace through something so simple... something so oddly comfortable. Something I can only do with those who know me best.

I guess thats the appeal really... the connection.

Last Night

I'm lying here with Dodger, knowing I need to write, but feeling like I'd rather put my words elsewhere. I haven't blogged much lately, probably due to the fact that I've been writing a lot for Grad School, and even though there is a ten page paper waiting for me to complete before turning it in tonight, I find myself plunking away here. Oh, the things we do to avoid the inevitable! Things have been whirl-wind like lately, between work and the holidays, and trying to stay on top of all things marked with a priority sticker, I feel as if I need to re-establish, reconnect and review all those things that keep me in my daily grind. you know? Ever feel that way?

Last night was a weird night at work. a lot of things happened that, well, normally don't or shouldn't happen. But from time to time I get a chance to dive into faith and have a meaningful conversation around it, and last night was one of those nights. I do get to witness almost daily when I'm working, but I often don't get a person's undivided attention. Its not often that someone places the present entertainment on hold to talk about God with me. Last night, if for only that reason, was a good night. And last night I gained some ground connecting with an individual. Last night, I hope was the start of something new.... and last night a corner was turned and a new beginning realized.

So here I find myself in Packer-Garb. Some say I should feel honored to wear such a hallowed Jersey, but personally, not feeling the love. Most of you know I've grown up as a Viking fan. Even though my team is something to be desired, (five wins this year would probably be considered a success) I've still got that purple pride. So why? The reason... I lost a bet. And being the good sport I am, trekked over to the local Khols, grabbed the most convenient green and gold ensemble, and started snapping pictures. Well, one was all that was needed for posterity. Take a good look, you won't see it again!

Personal Faith Statement

Just felt like sharing. please feel free to comment.

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Before this class, I had never truly given much thought to creating a statement clarifying my Christian faith. And even now, although I am more knowledgeable concerning specific areas of study, I still feel as though I am unable to draft a statement to the capacity in which seems complete. That being said, I believe the Bible is the word of God. Scripture is my historical reference of God’s purpose and is completely true and accurate. I believe in an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-present, constant and eternal God. I believe Jesus is the Son of God, and that he is my vehicle to salvation. I believe that the Holy Spirit serves as my connection to faith. I believe that God is represented in these three distinct entities, all three independent but completely whole as one. I do believe that I was created in the image of God. I believe I am living abnormally apart from God in sin. I believe that one day I will walk in the presence of God and find myself rejoicing completely and eternally. I believe I am a member in a community of believers both local and global that are committed to serving his purpose. Individually, I know that I am here on earth as a tool to be used by God, for God’s purpose. I believe that my desire will sync with his purpose, which will create works that will glorify God.

Writing all of this, I know I am incomplete without God. I know I am still learning and growing and exploring areas of my faith. I know there is much ground I have yet to cover. But I know without God as my compass, I’m running on a treadmill – going nowhere fast, expending energy, it seems, just to expend energy. God is my compass; he is my foundation, and my purpose. Without him I find myself wanting, with him, I find I am complete, I am whole.

Beautiful Silence

Hello.

I sit here feeling as if I should be writing something great. A complication of words that provides reflection and a perspective to spark growth, or at least some introspective thought. Or maybe there is some story out there that will make someone smile... but not tonight. Tonight, I feel like writing, like sharing. Could it be I'm out of words. Could it be that in all my writing for my master's program I sit hear without anything share. Is that possible?

I think not. I think it is a beautiful thing to sit in silent reflection. To just be. Sitting and taking it all in. No music, no TV, no internet, no media to distract you. Nothing but the moment to fill you. A moment without time, a moment without worldly measure. A moment filled with opportunity for exploration. Taking the time to hear your inner most thoughts, taking the time to listen to God, taking the time to absorb all it can provide.... Taking the time to go against the grain and tell the world to wait on you...

It becomes a magical moment that becomes appreciated through experience.

This is me, encouraging you to escape from the world for a few minutes. Put everything aside for fifteen minutes and see where it takes you. Go seek and see what you may find!

John Mayer

Took this video last year at the blues & brews. Found it on my computer. Enjoy...
notice that its snowing!

This must be a Christian School !! :)

Okay, Football fans, check this out! Wow!

New Meaning to Oktoberfest

There I was, sitting in Green Mill, sharing a drink and an appetizer with a friend and my cell phone rings....

"hello?"

It was my dad, we'd been trying to connect in order to get some tickets to a concert next week, Gov't Mule and Grace Potter (super excited, can't wait to go!) After deciding on a course of action we said our goodbyes and I hung up...

"KER-PLUNK!"

"What the...." I stammer as I start to fish my phone out of my mug leiney's Oktoberfest...

Action couldn't stop laughing, and I had the most bewildered look on my face. yes, My phone, as I was hanging up, somehow shot out of my hand and into my drink. I mean i pride myself in being able to hit a basket, but this was... was... as Vizzini would say: "Inconceivable!"

After our server stopped by and we cleaned up the spilled beer, we continued our night until we parted. I awoke this morning to a cell phone that still smelled of beer and failed to turn on. I rolled out of bed and proceeded to the nearest verizon store to buy a new phone. I think that was the most expensive glass of beer I've ever drank.

Its a good thing it tasted good.

LOL

Gotta love this!

Squirrels...

We (my roommates and I) have a tendency to leave the door to our porch open during the day, basically for fresh air and to allow for the puppies to go in and out at their leisure.

The last week and a half, I've walked around the corner to see squirrels running out the door. And one time, I was chilling on the couch reading, when a squirrel creeped in and Dodger, my parrot, threw him a nut... and as the squirrel started to eat, I said something, startled the squirrel, and it vanished out the door.

Monday, as I'm getting ready for class, my roommates fiance` walks up and says with a smile.. "you have a pet squirrel." I shoot him a look and go downstairs with him, when I find a squirrel in Dodger's cage. Apparently there were two in there when he walked down initially. one had jumped out of the cage and ran into the house, and so to keep the other from doing the same, he closed the door. So this squirrel is jumping all around in this 6 foot cage, eating out of dodger's bowl.. jumping some more, crawling all over the inside of it, when it stops where I am standing. So decide to pet it. And as I'm scratching its stomach, he seems to calm down, I turn the cage, open the door, and he jumps out the door back to his real home!

Blues & Brews 2007

Another year in the books, and another year at the blues and brews. And here I am, sitting here, soaking it all in. The party, the after party, the friends who could come and those who couldn't; thank you. And for all of you who have yet to experience this festival, maybe someday you will... its absolutely amazing. I can only hope that you all have the the chance to make the trip down here someday... and hopefully I can be here to experience it with you! The highlights this year: Los Lonely Boys, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Mofro, Eric Lindell, Keb Mo', The Black Crowes and Ana Popovic. They are in no particular order... and ask anyone else they may give you a different list, but for me, those artists made the festival worth it! Well, and few stories :)

One story worth noting, during the Black Crowes, a highly intoxicated gentleman (I use the term gentleman loosely) continued to tug on the fellow's jacket standing in front of him proclaiming that he couldn't stand there because he didn't have a clear view. Granted the drunkard was 5'5'' and the person standing in front of him was over 6'1'' so I can understand the drunk logic behind it. Now the 'heckling' went on for 45 minutes, which to his credit, the taller fella' exuded plenty of patience. Shortly after the concert started, a four-foot-nothing woman was dancing like a wild-woman in front of my dad, she somehow bumped the patient guy who had been doing his best to ignore the drunk guy behind him. At this point he turned and (literally) checked her into my dad with his forearm. After catching her, and propping her back onto her feet, looked at my dad, thanked him, and then resumed flailing about. The guy then turned to my dad and apologized for knocking the woman into him. Go figure. While all of this was going on, there was some guy behind my dad screaming over and over again to 'turn up the mic!" Granted, the sound system wasn't up to par, and we were having a hard time hearing Mr. Robinson's voice, but after 45 minutes, to continue to yell during and between every song... give me a break. At some point he leaned towards my father and yelled to him... "hey, tell them to turn up the mic.... pass it on!" My dad then leaned forward and to the guy's satisfaction appeared to pass the message forward. The head scratcher of the evening was the twelve kids, non of them in their teens, running around in front of the stage between the crowd and the band. Now this is a concert where marijuana is being passed around (among other drugs I'm sure), people are drinking heavily, and very clear not an environment for anyone under the legal drinking age, but for some reason, for half the concert, these kids were free to do as they wished. I mean... what's up with that?

So now, I'm sitting here in the Durango Airport. I've been bumped while the rest of my family has flown out to their respective destination.
I mean, what airline knowingly overbooks a flight? Whatever, I get a free ticket out of the deal! And when I do get home... make sure to come back and check out some of the photos!

Looking in the Mirror

"My target is excellence. But in order to excel in achieving this target, I must excel in characterizing myself with excellent moral values and principles."

Why do we do the exact thing we hate? I mean really, why? Is there something karmic in this universe that slaps us in the face and gets joy out of it? I don't have any exciting answer or even much of a solution, but I made a decision yesterday while driving to work. I was angry, really angry at myself. I honestly don't ever remember feeling that much anger towards myself about my action, or to be more specific, the lack of an action at all. but I was, and still feeling the hang-over from it. I've come to the conclusion that while I'm a great guy (which to be honest gets you no-where fast), I'm lazy, un-motivated, I lack personal fulfillment, and among other things... (to be frank) a loser.

Yes, I have a lot going for me, but am I really doing anything with it? I've been so busy watching life, I'm not truly living life. At least not the way I should. So here I am, proclamating to the world exactly how uncool I am, and starting now that is going to change. No more facades, or telling myself "tomorrow." Today is what I can control and today is where I will live. Key word: live... not just exist, or coast, or sit in-waiting. Today I'm taking the bull by the horns.

Lost Lyrics

There's a song out there somewhere. Its gotta be, but tonight its escaping me. you know when you experience something that immediately puts you in a place of celebration, you jump in the car and there is this desire to find a song that fits the moment. Well, tonight I had one of those experiences, and tonight I could not find the song. I wouldn't go as far as to say it was extraordinary, other than the fact that it was out-of-the-ordinary, it was something special.

In other exciting news, I'm back online and back from Sturgis. Both seem equally exciting on my part--so funny how we rely so much on the internet. Someday maybe I won't, but lately it feels as if I've been trudging through barren desert, seeking out my own personal oasis. And today, I've found it! And today I'm sharing! I miss you all.

Dating with a Purpose

Ang, a very good friend of mine re-posted this and I feel compelled to share. At first, when I started reading, I thought that I may have to alter it to gear it towards men, but quickly realized that it already is. For me, as a man, it wasn't so much a wake-up call, but more of an affirmation and a reminder why I don't settle... and why it is I continue to wait.

It may be similar for you. And if any of what is written below sparks any interest. I've read several books, including a few by Joshua Harris that you may find appealing.

SPIRITUAL ADVICE ON MEN (for the ladies, but men can read to)

A more important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?  Simple: You take only the bus that's headed in the RIGHT DIRECTION.


First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one. "What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?", you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and
beyond cure.

Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions:

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"
(Proverbs 4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.

Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is in the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.

For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day today. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married.

Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the
bus & wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it:

"We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker.

Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, checkout the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of
drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have?


If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man?

Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Hebrews 11:1 & 6
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

Back in the Saddle

Its been awhile, to say the least. My last entry well over two months ago. Its not that I haven't thought about blogging -- thats the thing: I've just thought about it, with no attempt to follow through to put anything down on paper. So I figure... Why not tonight?!?

I sit here as my roommate watches Borat. And as I sit here with no desire to participate, I feel a need to share. So much has happened in the past several weeks. For starters, I now have a motorcycle...

Our place, is still in foreclosure. Which means I have to either try and purchase this house... or move out by November. Neither really interest me too much. Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of say in the matter. I've lost some of my rights as a tenant due to this somewhat interesting and drawn out affair. Grrrr to the man who doesn't pay his bills.

I have officially been accepted into the my master's program. I am one of fifteen individuals accepted and will be attending Northwestern College here in MN... working on my masters in Organizational Leadership. A shout out to all who have aided in my application process.

I'm suddenly finding myself drawn into this movie... asking myself: Why are there two naked men fighting? ...

The In-between

The other night, as I'm walking into my new apartment, (not new as in just built, but new as in... recently moved) I'm interrupted by a strange man thrusting documents into my hands. As I'm telling my sister to hold on... and eventually that I'd call her back; I take the papers. And with probably a bewildered look, I'm trying to figure out why I'm holding foreclosure papers for the house that I've been renting for less than a month. The surprise of the situation, caused me to leave the keys in the door lock and walk upstairs... and after realizing there wasn't much I could do at 10:37 at night, I went to bed.

I'm finding myself lost somewhere between where I am and the place I desire to be. Where I am is not at all a bad place, but its not one that I won't ever find satisfaction... or contentment for that matter. I don't necessarily mean my living situation, but my work and the where I find myself spending time. So as I sit here, knowing that my current situation is unfavorable at best, I'm waiting to act... anticipating change that will come eventually, but trying to find the courage to bite the bullet and create that change I long for. So I sit her somewhere in the in-between waiting to pounce. Hoping that once I do, it will be a vault that will launch me somewhere great, and that the passion I have will fuel the action needed to land where I want to be.

Haunted

yes, its true. I feel haunted. Not by ghosts or ghouls or some other super-natural being. But there seems to be a preoccupation; a continual reminder of part of my past. It is in no way in an obsessive nature, but in areas of my day to day activity, I am continually reminded of a time, of someone, of something. These reminders continually pull me back to a place I must apparently long for.

Does this happen? I mean does it happen to you?

It seems to be happening to me; where a song, a place, the weather... all take me to a place I revere. I share this question in awe of how my day continually pulls on these strings... continually challenges me and keeps me in some way thinking about the day before yesterday. Not that I'm not wanting to move on, to walk forward... I am. I am continually pressing forward... but then again... the haunting continues!

Admittance

It is becoming more and more clear to me that my life is in some way beginning to be defined by the opposite sex. Currently, I work with mostly women and soon I will have three women as roommates; but the latest installment of this saga has to do with a team of eighth grade girls.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my eighth grade basketball team, or should I say former basketball team of girls. The season has come to a close. Another chapter of coaching has been played out. This season had its challenges and frustrations for me... but it also had its surprises.

I was surprised by the gratitude of the parents... the respect and the support they provided me with was something that could not be measured. I was surprised to see how certain players developed. (Even though I never knew what I might be walking into every
practice---each one was different, each provided unique challenges... each one provided further insight into a teenage girl; but I must preface this with: I still remain clueless.)

And yesterday, after all was said and done, I was surprised with some tears. Tears from a few players... as I listened, I felt my own tears welling up. As these eighth grade girls blubbered on about how I was the best coach they've had (in their short career I must add). And how I would be missed, and how the end wasn't wanted. I was taken back. Of all things, the things that were said were most unexpected. I was (for a moment) at a loss for words. Not that I should be completely surprised, I mean, I still have some of my the guys I coached in college contacting me regularly. I don't think that any of them would ever utter the same words that these few girls did, but... Know that I held back my tears as best as I could... Could you imagine a group of girls and a twenty-something male in tears after a basketball game with their parents onlooking?!? The thought of it still produces a smile!



All of this brings me to the further realization that we can never fully comprehend the impact we have on another. As brief or as engaged a relationship or interaction may be, the relational
reciprocation of the waves that may follow cannot be conceived; and we will never have the ability to quantify the range of our own impressions.

Baby, Its Cold Outside!!

There is something about writing that becomes therapeutic. Letting words flow from thought onto paper...it seems to create some validation of thought and presence. It's self reflection, it's an opportunity to share and an opportunity to celebrate, to create...

But for me, right now, its provides an opportunity to procrastinate. to delay the inevitable. Its giving me a few more moments inside. A few more taps of the keyboard will allow me to stay warm a few minutes longer. You see, while all you smart individuals out there get to stay inside and drink hot chocolate, watch a movie, or anything that might help you escape from the weather this weekend. I get to be in it. I get to stand outside and hope that somebody, anybody, decides that going out tonight is a good idea. Its a hope because, what the heck am I freezing my butt off for if its not for those who laugh at the weather-man, for those who scoff at the storm and say... not tonight mother nature, not tonight! Because if it isn't for those who decide to venture into this blizzard, my night will continue to drag on, every minute feeling like an hour, and every hour... well, you get where I'm going!

The time has come... Procrastination and putting off is now coming to a close. Work is calling out my name... so for all of you who will not be outside this evening---I'm green with envy. Know I will be thinking of you much and often, and by all means, eat a slice of pizza for me!

basically... I'm due.

so here I go again... trying to place random words together in a way that makes sense. All the while trying to make sense of this world filled with opportunity, serendipity, and confusion!
I've been busy, too busy... so busy that the last two weeks feels like a blur. I get days confused, activities accomplished mixed up, and those I interact with daily look at me with awe... awe in the sense that its not good... awe in the sense that they think I'm crazy!! Basically, I'm trying to make ends meet... I just don't know where they begin and where they end. I'm attacking each day with an end goal, a light at the end of the tunnel... I have ideas where I want that to be, but I'm truly unsure of the path I will end up on, or if the things I'm doing will take me there.

Which brings me back to the moment. This moment. A time where all the little things seem to add up to one big one and I can only hope...

So as I stand here wanting, waiting, anxious and driven... I still feel the need to focus and to
re-commit daily to the things I desire.

My buddy asked me yesterday what I was quitting for Lent. I told him that I hadn't really thought about it. I knew it was Ash Wednesday had passed, and I knew it was lent.. but for some reason, I spaced the purpose. And in recent years, I've decided not to take away from my life, but to celebrate Lent by adding to it. Although I understand the idea of fasting... and I do, and will... I've decided that its just as important to add value by adding something productive, something purposeful to the time. When we take something away, there is a tendency to replace it with something else (example: when people quit smoking, they start eating..)... so why not add purpose?
So... for Lent this year... I've decided two things. And based upon my lifestyle at the moment, these will be very difficult, but rewarding. They may seem at first glance superficial, but I tell you... it will require some divine intervention to maintain! I will be fasting from all fast food, and I will ensure that I exercise daily, regardless of how tired, busy, or lack of time exists in my day. I will reward and treat my body as I should. keeping out the bad and rewarding it with good.

Any thoughts?

How about ya'll? Anything you'll be doing different during Lent this year?

next best thing

I feel broken... I feel empty.... There is a longing in my soul that yearns to be fed. In my heart I know where to find the source that will satisfy, but its almost as I'm resisting--afraid of what might be. Afraid of where the road will lead. Its as if by hiding I create in my subconscious further opportunity for the earthly desires I look for. And by constructing these walls around my heart, around my head, I'm keeping myself from the growth I long for deep within myself. The growth that can only happen through complete submittal. I know this, and I'm trying to let go, to move on, to find fulfillment. But it seems that I've been granted a preview of what is to come. A taste, an idea, an opportunity to see what God has planned for me. And instead of allowing myself to prepare for His vision, I hold on---hoping that the best hasn't passed me by.

The thing is I'm not upset or angry or confused or bitter. I just am. I'm just present, patiently practicing patience, trying to stay open and prepared. but for me, right now in this moment, the next moment can't get here soon enough.

If

If I would have created the word procrastinate, its definition would mirror the activities of my day today.

And as motivated as I claim to be, the days that I am not continue to surprise me.
Tomorrow must be better...

snap, crackle, pop

This weekend is big. really big. My father has been officially inaugurated as president, and many festivities have and will follow. One of which followed the ceremony was a reception and ball. It has been wonderful so far. I've seen a lot of friends and family, met many people and overall have had a wonderful time... until I broke her fingers.

Yes, I broke some student's finger or fingers. It could be a simple dislocation, however... from what I saw, felt and heard. I'm pretty sure they're broken. You're probably wondering how...let me paint a picture: we were dancing. yes we were cuttin-some-rug, but to be honest, I'd danced with her earlier in the evening, and our rhythm's didn't quite match up. Not to say she didn't have any, or couldn't dance, but it required a little more effort to blend with how she moved.

She had tracked me down to dance, it was later in the evening, so much drinking had taken place. I remember earlier, while dancing, that she was prone to slip and fall. I don't know if it was her shoes, her, or some other element. But I was taking that into consideration while dancing with her... That being said, as I turned her, I felt her fall and I tightened up to keep her from hitting the ground. Well, apparently she did the same thing... next thing I felt and heard was a pop-pop-pop. Her hand in mine, her fingers snapped and crackled... I dropped to the floor, she began to try and reset her fingers when I stopped her and helped her off the dance floor. She refused to go the ER, and decided to tough it out until she could go to the school the next day and get x-rayed. A splint was put on, a few shots were taken, and my ego was bruised. What are the chances?

Thirteen going on...

Today, I found myself killing time and being drawn into a movie on tv. 13 going on 30 to be more specific. And right on the heals of not only taking a trip down memory lane, looking at old pictures from high school age activities and filling out some survey about whether or not I would go back to those days. I wouldn't want to, at least I don't think I would really want to. Why would I want to change who I am today? But watching that stirred some thought, and some emotion. Not because I wish I could change things about the past, but think about how simple things can be versus how complex we make them. We push and we pull, we deceive, we try to create opportunity by playing games with those we care about. Not all things we do are negative, but almost always, it seems we're not completely honest. We're not honest with ourselves, we seem to fear the thing we desire most. This, of course is all, speculation...

I think the thing we long most for is a connection. With a particular person or group or idea. We long to dive deep into a relationships knowing that sharing an experience makes that experience worth while and meaningful. i mean, if we're not here for community, what is our purpose?

The Clock Has Struck 12...

As I look at this glass slipper I'm holding, I know she's out there. I know that as I look at my reflection tilting the slipper from side to side, I begin to wonder if I'm ready, truly ready, for the woman God is preparing me for. I know that I may not be the man He continues to challenge me to become. I am persistently patient, anxious, and excited. It's past midnight and I stand in reflection on the proverbial steps of life; I'm okay with waiting. I'm accepting that God has something wonderful prepared for me, and when I become ready, He will present opportunity in a way He deems fitting.

Its not that I'm wondering why or when or how, but its more along the lines of whether I'm worth what this slipper represents. I'd like to think that I emulate these prince-like qualities; I'm realizing more and more that I am not the man I am going to be. As I bow my head on bended knee, I realize that God is at work in my life. I stand, look up and smile, and with gratitude, I know good works are occurring.

I know that there are experiences I can only pursue with Him as a single man. And He knows me better than I could ever know myself. Knowing that I desire more than anything to be a loving husband and father, in large part to better understand His love for me. I think that as Christians, by having our own children and loving them beyond what can be expressed helps us to understand how He loves and cares for us. I feel that step -- building a family -- creates in us opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with God. Not only does He want that for us; He continues to prepare us for when the time will be right.

As I continue to pursue with a single heart, I look forward for the fitting.. For the woman that God is preparing for me. And when the time is right, when the moment comes, I will love and honor God by loving and honoring her.

'Oh-Seven'

A lot has happened in the past year. Many, many surprises. Some good, some not so good, but in the end its brought me to today, and today is a good day.

I've been thinking about what to focus on this year, what should be my resolution for 2007. I've realized that what I need, what I desire most is to simplify. To get back to the basics and to focus on the things that matter most. Its not about what I need to achieve or accomplish...its not about accolades. I need to drop some weight, shed some all the stuff that continues to drag me down. I need to focus on the guts, the heart of the matter...I need to give of myself to others, my time and my talents. I need to be patient, to wait on God. I need to be a witness and a warrior in His name. To continue to be filled with gratitude, and continue to give all that I can. I desire to build a stronger relationship.... I desire to fulfill His will.

So what does this mean... It means that I will continue to be still, continue to use the time borrowed to me to the best of my abilities. And I will be thankful... and full of grace.

I kick 'Oh-Seven' off with an expectation for growth and courage.

NYE Debacle

I had made a commitment to go to an 80's themed party, which to be honest, I was super excited for, I also had been invited to another friends, which I know would have been great fun. So I apologize greatly to you two for not coming... but maybe its karma, because here is what my night ended up looking like:

There's really one reason why I decided to go where I did. The weather. I know, poor excuse, but I have a rear wheel drive vehicle, and my roommate was convincing me to attend his friends party, so I figured it would be safer and less driving if we just went out together. So off we went. We got there, and it was pretty quiet initially, and most of the people of were expected didn't show because of previous said reason. I can't fault them, but I at least ventured somewhere.... so pretty lame. But the tone of the night was set about 20 minutes into the party when a group of guys, 7 or so, started coming through the back door. One of the guys was swearing, the others were laughing and prodding.. whatever, I did what I shouldn't have done. I went to see what the deal was. As the guy walked in, he puckered up and asked for a kiss... I turned my cheek, kissed me, but unsatisfied demanded that I kiss him on the lips... WTF--Stupid drunk gay people... for real. But, I figured just to get it over with, what the hell... I gave him his peck, then he pursued to ask if I was gay... go figure. We had eleven queens in the house and only two of them were actually of the female sex. That should have been my sign right there to leave... We ended up playing a drinking game, and Texas hold-em. It wasn't my night to play cards either. My first hand I went all in with pocket aces, and got my ass handed to me by a guy holding a three -card. Whatever... the next game I came back and had three-quarter of the chips when my roommate (because his recent girl was calling) decided to continue to go all in.... The chump drew 4 pairs in a row, not to mention a jack/king... and he beat me on pocket aces. It was not my night for cards. And the only action I got was from a some drunk drama queen bitching about his sterling silver chain getting wet in the snow.

But I did manage to avoid another kissing queen. After counting down, one of the guys was making his rounds, after kissing my roommate (which I found pretty entertaining), he leaned over to kiss me, before I could react, he slipped and fell behind the chair dumping is drink all over himself. That was funny... but by the time he gathered himself, he had aborted said mission to go clean up.

While driving home, Matt and I decided that was the wrong party to attend. So next year. There is always next year. Three hundred sixty-four more days before a new-year's redemption.